``Sunday, July 30, 2006``
feel Refresh and Free
today, Ivan came for service then he went for altar call.. so he accept christ into his heart today... thank you Lord for opening his heart... hmm.. i am kinda happy for him so i hope he will stay on in the church and surrender his life to Jesus.. our savior and Lord.. =) hmm.. i also want to thank W221 for making him feel comfortable la.. and talking to him.. ya..
then after service... today is Pastor Mike Connell ma.. then so after that, we have a ministry service la.. which will have laying of hands and prayer to get the evil spirits in us out la.. last nite, i went with lijuan le.. but then i didnt response to the second altar call cos i was helping out and i was also tired in my heart la.. cos the second altar call was for forgiveness, bitterness in life and everything lor.. so i asked shi en to go down for altar call.. then i accompany her.. but in the end, as i was there, my heart was really messed up la.. so in the end, i also asked for prayer.. then sister Kai Xin prayed for me.. i felt so relieved nw... i feel so renew and fresh!! actually after the first altar call... i help out in ushering cos there wasnt enough people.. but after my second altar call.. i was too exhausted myself le.. so i didnt help out.. but instead, i just sat there with jasmine and lingling(jasmine's strikeforce friend) then when pastor Tan announced that everything is over... that the service is nw over.. then Pastor Mike Connell actually went around the church to lay hands... actually, he was only standing beside lingling, jasmine and me.. but he didnt lay hands on us.. after tat, i saw gerry, so went to find the cg with her.. then when we are talking... Pastor Mike Connell just came and lay hands on the both of us... and we fell and started laughing... but everything was too fast for me to even remember wat happened actually.. haha.. God is really great!! His power is simply amazing...
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``7/30/2006 08:21:00 PM``
``Saturday, July 29, 2006``
][ dinner with lijuan's colleague ][ ][ taman jurong NDP rehearsal 06 ][
hmm.. let me start from the morning.. i think today is a great and tiring day.. haha.. okie... in the morning, chatting with lijuan then something happen la.. cos when i fell asleep after talking to her in the morning... i slept of her colleagues becoming animals... haha.. but cannot say the animals if not later she kill me.. haha.. then after tat, went down to ngee ann for lunch cos desmond wanted to meet me and jasmine for lunch lor.. after tat, then i rush down for the rehearsal... die le la.. i really very tired then plus my throat is very dry... haix.. how i wish that i can drink honey water nw..
hmm.. let me talk about the parade this year, as i have promised someone that i will stepped down after i finish my last project.. and i am the parade 2IC for the parade so i am actually shouting commands for the parade.. haha.. cool.. before i stepped down and wat made me more excited is that, i will be holding sword and not only that... i am going to wear the No.1 uniform which is the white one.. i cant wait for next sat to come... haha.. very excited but i pray that nothing will go wrong on that day.. =)
then after training, i go and clean up and everything then when down to bugis to V8 for dinner together with lijuan's colleagues... they are very interesting people like she told me before... haha.. then one of her colleague brought her 2 daughters out also.. hmm.. can see they really like lijuan alot.. haha..
hmm... maybe i should describe about her... haha.. ops..
she is a very nice gal/princess la.. hmm.. can say that she really changed me alot from the way i do my things and react on certain issues la.. of course, if you are close to her, you realised that all her friends really love her de lor.. dun mind doing things for her.. she is always there when you need someone to be there to listen to your grumbling.. haha.. really like a big sister like tat... when at times she nag at me.. haha.. ops.. wat other things about her? go and make friends with her and soon you will find her...
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``7/29/2006 01:00:00 AM``
``Thursday, July 27, 2006``
i am tired
haix.. today, the whole day is like rushing my WAD project la.. i am going crazy le.. then do until 5 then went down for cca.. cos they have not enough people today also... then today, again, i have to use my first aid skills lor.. cos gt 1 person who has breathing difficulties and in the end, we sent her to the hospital.. cos she actually have the same thing happening to her once but she didnt report to us.. then the 2 person had titches.. haix.. cos didnt eat lunch... so today, very tired la.. plus, my leg is injured le.. haha.. but still i was running around so end up setting scolded by zi wei... =( then after napfa, i went to bukit timah food court for dinner with jordon, kim peng and doreen... haha.. we are talking alot about our CI camp and course.. then the npcc stuff... the times tat we enjoyed and gt punished.. but come to think of it.. it is actually very funny when we recalled the things that we have done... they are the great memories la... but it was really fun talking to them... so we chat for about 1 hour before we headed home...
okie la.. nw it is time for me to go and rush my project le.. haix.. no life.. =(
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``7/27/2006 11:20:00 PM``
``Wednesday, July 26, 2006``
Singapore Idols 2006
cool rite? hmm... today, went to watch Singapore Idols 2006 with kun, seng chong and kun's 2 SOT friends... haha.. cos it is kun's friend's mum gt the tickets la... so we went to watch.. hmm.. it was very funny... we had to wear the shirt which is showing tat we are supporting Jay Lim... haha.. but the feeling is really cool.. especially the theme tonite was the kind of music which i would enjoy "classical jazz" wow!! though nt all the contestants have brought out the feeling but i think they are simply great.. we had great fun cos it is the first time in studio leh..haha.. abit mountain tortoise... haha..
ai yo, i dunno wat to write le la.. hmm.. then i think i shall end here ba.. =)
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``7/26/2006 11:47:00 PM``
out with lijuan today
hmm.. dunno why today, i am so tired... then i slept in class lor.. haha.. but then still okie la.. at least i did some work... but there is too many things in my head le..
then after tat, when i was on my way to my cca,so went for my cca first lor... then after tat needed to rush to go to do some important things... then lijuan called up and say to go and eat steamboat with her colleagues tonite at bugis... so i say okie lor... but in the end, her colleagues didnt come so only left with 2 of us so we decided to go V8 to eat lor.. then after tat, we went shopping... actually, supposed to shop for lijuan's shoes cos she spoil her shoes on sunday but instead, we bought something else for a friend of ours... haha.. while we are choosing the thing, we saw jasmine and her strikeforce friend... yup...
then we went to mac to sit down to chit chat lor.. until about 9 plus then i took the mrt home.. =p
then come home... again.. stoning in front of my com.. die le.. this seems to be my main thing that i am doing at home everyday... must change.. but dunno how.. haha.. see how la.. let the nature takes its course.. haha.. =p okie la.. good nite.. and may the angels will come into your dreams tonite.. =)
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``7/26/2006 12:17:00 AM``
``Monday, July 24, 2006``
jac birthday
oh no!! wat ever i wrote is gone.. haix.. nvm.. just want to say it is a great day for all of us.. =)
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``7/24/2006 11:51:00 PM``
``Saturday, July 22, 2006``
dun talk to anyone
haix.. today, in the morning.. i went to bs.. then after tat went to eat with terry, jimmy, soo eng.. all my bs class de la.. then after tat i went to meet joyce, ting and chin lim cos we are celebrating joyce's birthday today ma.. so we went swenson.. haha..
then after tat, went shopping lor... but i didnt join them for movie cos i need to go home for dinner... then my mother scolded me over the phone la.. haix.. then reach le... ask me to sit beside someone i dun like so i didnt wan to eat lor... hmm.. i also dunno wat i wan la.. but i just feel tat i am in a bad mood la... then nw my mum is very angry with me... confirm go home... going to argue with her again de... it is more and more often le...
then after tat, talk to lijuan on the phone.. then i was really talking to her alot of rubbish and then she talking the same thing back to me... haix... trying to make me understand certain things but then my mind seems to be very firm la.. haix... but i felt very bad leh... haix... cos maybe i have said something that i shouldnt have said la.. arrgg...
hmmm... sometimes i feel tat i should not speak at all.. then firstly, i will not get anyone into trouble.. secondly, i will not talk rubbish and spoil people's mood... i should say wat i feel like saying then spoil people's relationship.. haix... looks like dun talk to anyone then all these will not happen le la.. okie la... i should go and reflect about wat i have said for the whole day and be more sensitive le.. =(
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``7/22/2006 09:36:00 PM``
pleasant surprises
this morning.. suppose to go jurong polyclinic for the medical check-up before i leave for my Loas trip.. but then they do not have the jab there so in the end i went down to tan tock seng to take the jabs... then after tat, went down to pasir ris cos i am meeting kin sung to send some food to lijuan la.. cos she is not feeling well, so want to give her something...
after tat kin sung need to do something (something? you dun need to know)... so i went to shop for herbal tea - water chestnut.. somemore it is like early in the morning.. cos of the shops are not open yet... so i search and finally out it.. then i also bought her cough drops la... cos she has been coughing non-stop... then it will be bad for her lungs also... then after that, kin sung came in a cab to pick me up.. then we went over to lijuan's workplace...
then kin sung dun wan to go in.. so only i brought the soup and everything in for her... then she came down with her colleague - peggy... haha.. then something happen (wat happen? cant say cos too sensitive le) hmm... nw, i found another ngee ann senior and really very senior... haha... that is lijuan's colleague - peggy cos she also from ngee ann and i was studying in the same block as her... last time is was called CSS, nw it is called ICT... haha.. so ciao...
then after tat, pass her le.. then went to meet kin sung for our brunch.. then i went home cos i need to make gerry's birthday present which is 23 strawberries dipped chocolate... since she is 23 this year...
then after tat, went for cg.. today, we had bbq... no msg then only gt praise la... then we were fellowship all the way la... then we celebrate gerry's birthday also... ya.. i think i stop here cos i very tired le... need to go and sleep le.. good nite.. =)
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``7/22/2006 12:35:00 AM``
``Friday, July 21, 2006``
napfa test
wow!! today, napfa test is here once again.. hee hee.. it is great to be where i am happy to be... and of course, my main motive is to tired myself out so that i will be able to get to sleep at nite and dun think too much... cos i gt no more brain cells le.. haha..
okie.. today, cos there are not enough qualify testers so i have to multi-tasking lor.. taking care of all those who are new in the society and teaching them how to be tester... oh no!! waste so much brain cells again today... haix..
anyway, today, i took jasmine for her napfa test.. haha.. yup... didnt realise la.. but happen to take her... then she did pretty well but wat is her score? you think yourself la.. why tell you?? haha.. then i took kai yan for her 2.4km run.. sad case la.. cos i actually wanted to run together with them de.. but cant.. *sobs* then today, have to say tat zi wei and i almost about to vomit blood today after the test and those things tat happen today... haix..
Father, i pray that lijuan will recover soon.. you are our healer.. dun let her cough for so long... and take away every single pain she has in her right now!!
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``7/21/2006 12:41:00 AM``
``Tuesday, July 18, 2006``
hopeless
dunno wat to write la.. anyway, lesser people know wat happen to me is better... dun let me affect the lives of you all..........cos i am a hopeless creature... even after so many people talk to me!!
TIRED
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``7/18/2006 10:41:00 PM``
``Monday, July 17, 2006``
went for PM today
i really wan to thank god for the flavour that has come among me even at this time... today, i was doing my presentation with my group on our database project.. and my lecturer said that our project will get at least a B grade.. and as individual, my results is the highest... wow!!
then after tat, went for WAD class... i was very tired and had no mood to do my work so i fell asleep until my lecturer finish wat she wanted to say then i woke up then started to write my programme which is my assignment and guess wat? i know how to do and manage to came out with it... simply amazing..
hmm... then after tat went for PM... as i was praying with Bettina and Tammy, i felt that god just came me a slap on my face to wake me up from all the nonsense that i had came out with yesterday, sometimes, i just feel tat i am not worth been bothered for cos i only add on to other people's burden.. it was childish for the things that i had said and acted out... i should be more mature because watever i go and do is all because i am doing it for God.
but then i dunno why, whenever i have gt my thoughts rite.. something will happen between me and my parents, we will end up arguing again... they started to blame this and that... hmm, just now, something happened again... i dunno wat is really wrong with me... am i born in this world to create unhappiness for people around me??
Father, i am really tired of all these things le... i really need a breakthrough... be the person i used to be... it is very tiring to go through this everyday, it is like a routine... go to sch, go home, stone, sleep.. tat what i am doing almost everyday... haix.. dunno la..
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``7/17/2006 11:07:00 PM``
``Sunday, July 16, 2006``
wat smile all about...
arr... although i say everything will stop nw.. but it seems like i am just running away from the problems.. becos it wasnt solve at all in the first place... before i began, let me define wat is alien?
An alien is someone who talks... but then human dun understand... as thought they are speaking outspace language... ya.. okie.. who is the alien? i am the one.. who dun understand at all...
making myself a fool all day long.. trying to put on a smile wherever i go so tat people will not know anything... keeping things to myself so that i will not burden others... i just very tired after a long day... it is so different to smile and laugh and make myself so energetic when i really dunno wat i am looking for... hmm, just feel tat when others can feel happy, it will be the best for me.. regardless of whether i am happy a not... maybe this is just me... all i hope for is people around me can be happy can le... for me.. doesnt really matters...
somethings, i just feel why cant i be those people in the show who has no feeling... to matter wat happen to them or who hurt them, they still have no feeling... then we will not be so worry about this about that... not happy about this, not happy about tat... or why cant just like babies, eat, play, sleep... so innocent and no worries... all they do is to enjoy their lives...
too many things are going through my head... no place is better than sitting by the sea and listening to the sea breeze and crying out to the sea... i know at this pt, i am really very rebellion.. not taking anyone's advise into deep consideration... i also know that there are many people who are really showing their love and concern about me... and there are also people who are showing love n concern becos they have to.. they did it for self- purposed... of course, i really appreciate the love and concern... but it seems like ............................................................
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``7/16/2006 09:46:00 PM``
``Friday, July 14, 2006``
i cant help it but the flame is starting to light up
well, today, i thought i should go for training in npcc.. since it has been ages since i went for training as i actually told myself not to go back... cos i need to choose my priority rite.. but then dunno why... i just feel like going back today...
NPCC PLEDGE
"We the members of the NPCC, do here and now solemnly and sincerely pledge that:
We will always bear true faith and allegiance to the President and our Republic of Singapore.
We will always be loyal and true to our country, our people and the government.
We will always be prepared to serve our country and community.
We will always preserve the peace and uphold the law."
hmm... when i wore my uniform once again... i felt home... for the last 2 weeks when i felt lost and losing my sense of direction and belonging but today, i really felt as though i have come home to where i belong... sorry, that i broke my promise time after time that i will leave but then when sometimes happen in your life... i rather go to somewhere that at least i felt needed and belong to... though we are internal conflicts but then people are so true... the laughter we had today... really very happy today cos i haven really smile and laugh for a while le... although, there were times when cadets are very rude so we have to punish them and scold them but come to think of it... it is also how each one of us has grown up to become a person who has leadership and discipline...
sorry to my sec 2s cadets.. today, i know that i am very harsh on you all.. and yes, i can be friendly on the outside but i think some of you saw the different side of me when i am in uniform.. i know that there are some of your squadmates are in GOH.. but nevertheless.. continue to strive in NPCC and i am sure one day, you will be in there... Dont Give Up!!
actually, i kind of felt a bit bad la.. cos today my sec 1s were scolded by me until very badly leh.. until like they about to cry le.. so dun mess with me when i am in uniform... dun try to play tricks on me.. i can be nice, friendly and good to you all but if you all are going show me attitudes then so be it.. pls remember your ABCDE.. npcc is a team not a 1 man show!!
anyway, i will be the Parade2IC for Taman Jurong NDP 2006 which means that i will be wearing first uniform... yes, to many of you could think tat this is nothing... but then to me, it is just something which means alot to me... i really thank God for this chance that is given to me at this time...
ok.. after this NDP 2006, i think i will really announce that i will step down... ai ya.. dunno la.. although saying that i am stepping down is going to let me feel losing the sense of belonging but still have to leave cos i have made this decision to my Father in Heaven so i need to keep it.
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``7/14/2006 10:37:00 PM``
``Thursday, July 13, 2006``
everything will stop nw
hmm... i have been giving attitude on alot of things la.. then i just feel tat i have actually troubled lots of people since the day when i am down.. i think this should come to a stop nw...
now, i am going to change.. no matter wat is going on for the future, i will just simply hang on since it is the plan that god wants me to go through such things... even if the situation is real bad, i will just hang on to it... cos i know that at times when we are looking for him.. but at the end of the day, he will show us the door to the solution and lead us the path that he wanted to go or his purpose for me to go through such stuff..
through this few weeks, i have really lost my youthfulness, my energy for everything, my strength to move on... simply i have to get back to myself... the one i am in school( the crazy one)
van, it is time to stop all the nonsense..
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``7/13/2006 09:23:00 AM``
``Wednesday, July 12, 2006``
my major in Dip in IT
hurray!!! finally, there is something i am happy about... i can escape programming le... hee hee.. today, the major results are out.. and i got wat i wanted and the module that i am better in.. which is E-Business.. well, thought the route ahead of me will not be easy but i am going work hard on it since this is my choice...
this news actually brighten up my life for the night... cool!!
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``7/12/2006 09:13:00 PM``
swenson
today.. after school, went to bukit panjang plaza to have lunch with my classmates, we went to eat swenson.. hee hee.. we had lots of fun la even though at times, we tend to irritate each other but we are still students and young.. and i realised tat everytime i am with them... it just seems great... we are all full of energetic and had some crazy thoughts... going out with them really feel at peace and forgot my unhappiness... =)
hmm.. today, someone told me something... which i dunno how to reply la.. the person said that i have very nice eyes... then people around starting to look at my eyes... hmm.. it is like.. very weird la.. then another of my friend commented tat during lesson, my friend was almost electric shock by me... a... haix.. nvm.. so in the end, i was like smile at them then turn away le.. haha..
nw, come to the something else.. well, someone told me today somethings la.. which i dunno how i should feel about it... but it made me even sure of one thing is that to keep everything to myself is the best way cos this way, others will not feel burden of my problems... whether i am sad or happy, only i know and god knows... though i said somethings which i actually said i will do it.. but coming to think of it... i might not do everything i say cos i dun see a need to do them... haix.. nvm..
just losing the sense of belonging...
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``7/12/2006 05:12:00 PM``
``Tuesday, July 11, 2006``
getting back to my life
hmm.. as many people who has been hanging around with me will know that for the past 2 weeks, i am extremely not human.. i can go without food for days without feeling hungry and i can go without sleep for days without feeling tired... all i do is to sit there to stone... that is how i spend my days.. and even in class, the noisy me has disappear so much as tat my friends actually thought i wasnt in class at all.. haha.. but lucky that i am getting back or i can be a zombie le... can dun sleep and dun eat... haha.. had a real good sleep ytd... after coming back from the World Cup match... and last nite.. i managed to sleep peacefully although in the end, i woke up very early this morning even though i dun need to go to sch so early...
i have been trying to get back to myself... i know tat this will not be an easy job but nevertheless, there isnt anyone able to help me... cos i know myself that when i am feeling down, it makes it harder for people to get into my life... and i will shut off even more... unless you are one of those tat i cant hide from you but to say wat happen in my life... though, i am getting back to myself but somethings seem to be worse than before... i know you all are trying to help me... but not everything is under your control... knowing that you will lose the battle and hurt more people... then why still fight back... just step back and everything will be fine...
i feel tat sometimes, to fight for wat we wan is easy when everything is going your way, but sometimes, you just get too tired to carry on fighting for it even though you know wat you wan cos everytime you are going to fight something, you need the strength and the energy and of course the trust from parents... but it isnt going to be easy... they seems to be real serious this time.. so at the moment... i think i will let the matter rest lor... cos i also tired... for nw, i only wan to concentrate on my studies... the rest might have to wait till i gain my energy back.. i am exhausted le...
but 1 thing i will wan to thank God for my classmates & some chc friends.. my classmates have always been there for me, try to brighten up for days.. help me to make sure that i dont make mistake in the assignment i did... help me to copy notes when i sat there to stone... they have really showed me lots of care and concern... it makes my day seems better in sch so that i dun need to think... you guy ROX!! there are some people who knows what actually happened... father, thank you for placing them in my life to talk senses to me... although some of them know that no matter wat is told to me will not get into my head but yet they still tell me... haha.. sometimes, i really wonder how did people have so much patience with me? as i am a really very stubborn person... haha..
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``7/11/2006 09:57:00 PM``
``Monday, July 10, 2006``
finding back myself
okie... i am really trying to find myself back.. i also know that i have been giving many people attitude... really sorry.. i should have controlled my emotions... lately, there are more and more things that are coming out and i am really seriously considering wat to do... many people have given me advise of wat i should do first but it seems tat it is not as easy as it looks... if you know the whole situation of me now, wat i can say is that i am really very tired of wat is happening right now... i am losing my appitate.. not able to fall asleep.. etc..
wat i really need now, is peace... i know i have to go through this alone... considering every decision that i am going to make for the next few weeks to find back myself... so just leave me alone. i will try to get myself back..if i really cannot then follow my thoughts lor.. haix.. nvm.. let God decide the route for me.. okie.. tat all the update that i am giving about myself...
ytd.. after service, went home cos parents dun allow me to go for prayer meeting... so i went home to sleep lor... then after tat, went to meet my cousins in my cousin's place... then after tat, then went to meet lijuan at her place's downstairs cos we going to janice's place to watch the world cup together with others including shirley, jia wei, si jia, desmond, janice, marcus, jia hui and still gt some more people but cannot really remember la... then after tat, we took the first bus home so tat we can go home and catch some sleep.. haha.. though it was kind of boring.. but then zidane made a stupid mistake la.. by knocking his head against the defender.. haix.. dunno wat to write le.. anyway, cant write anymore.. need to go to sch for lesson le.. hee hee..
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``7/10/2006 11:35:00 AM``
``Friday, July 07, 2006``
current status
well, i really dunno what to do.. morning wake up other than playing my guitar... the rest of my time i was lying on my bed.. impressive.. first time.. from morning 10am to now.. which is 4.22pm.. i haven really move...
hmm... people, dun worry about me.. i promise that you all that i will be fine.. will nt do anything stupid i guess... haha... but i just need time to settle my own problems... will be back to normal soon but dun ask me when cos i dunno... all my thoughts have messed up, my life is messed up, my sch work are messed up, i also dunno what else is not messed up...
i really i could ____ _________ __ ____ but i cant... i have ___ _____ ________ __ _______ __ _____, all i do is just _____ ___ _______ and _____ ___ _____ _______ and _____ ___ _________ as i am _______ ______ ___ _______.
try to fill in the blanks if you can... haha.. but i doubt you can la.. so dun bother about me... i am just like a half dead person liao... hmm.. think after this week, clear my assignments le.. then i will go and find something to do which i will concentrate on... then will not think about anything... dun wan to grow old so fast.. haha..
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``7/07/2006 04:23:00 PM``
``Wednesday, July 05, 2006``
Superman Returns
this is my movie ticket... haha.. dunno what to do so decided to take the photo of the ticket and put into my blog lor... hmm.. actually, cg wanted to give sophia and fiona a surprise for the birthday but i cant make it cos i already meeting li juan to watch "Superman Returns" movie which i have bought the ticket le.. so ytd.. my mood was that bad la... at least coming back to normal very soon... my chances of mood swing got lesser... maybe becos of the guys in my class ba.. they are always coming out with stupid things to make us laugh... haha.. then ytd.. my classmate ran out of the class with my bag thinking that my wallet, mp3 and hp are inside... haha.. so i was just sitting there.. then teacher ask him where he is going.. he said he need to go for parents meeting session already.. he is late.. haha.. lame.. then after tat, went down to orchard to find mummy... hee hee..
cos i only meeting lijuan at about 6.30pm so went to find mummy first then we went shopping for a while... then i went to meet lijuan to watch the movie lor.. then we went to eat burger king for dinner... hmm... she talk alot alot to me... although i know tat my heart was really listening to her words, but i remember every single word that she has told me la... okie... although i really dun wan to admit it but i really had tears in my eyes at tat time but thank goodness that she changed topic first before going back to the topic... honestly, i know what is the msg she trying to get to my head... but it is just that i am not facing the reality... haix... i really dunno what to do with myself... i just find that even i wan to get into my own world, i also find it hard.. cos i dunno what i wan to do or wat i wan now... frastrating..
anyway, during the movie, both of us are talking funny things la.. actually, imagine that your bf is able to bring you around to fly.. how romantic will it be?? haha.. although many people said that the show is not nice.. but both of us find it quite nice leh..
okie.. gtg back to sleep le.. cos nw is only 5 plus in the morning.. and i only slept for 3 hours.. cos i woke up to watch semi- final world cup - germany vs itatly.. 0:0 at full time.. and extra time with 0:2... italty scored at extra time 28 and 30 mins.. haix.. poor germany...
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``7/05/2006 05:37:00 AM``
Big Fest
on monday, went out for dinner with kun, jas and seng chong... actually we wanted to go and eat frog leg porridge but the shop wasnt open.. so we went to another place to eat.. but i cant remember wat is the place le.. haha.. anyway, this is the amount of food we ordered
at first...
then...
and finally...
haha.. although there are only 4 of us.. but we can really eat alot.. haha.. then we fellowship and talk about our vision and some topics lor.. then after tat, we went home le.. cos all of us have to rush for our project.. then kun going to jam his guitar with his band..
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``7/05/2006 04:48:00 AM``
``Tuesday, July 04, 2006``
what is feel is just like my title is...
anyway, i have wrote and keep on changing and deleting this very same post for many times le... cos firstly, i dunno how to write... secondly, i dun feel like writing after half way...
okie... all i wan to say it this... I SIMPLY NEED TIME TO GET BACK TO MY USUAL SELF..
and sorry to people who i might have hurt you with the words that i speak and with the actions that i did... i will control myself.. okie..
i really want to thank shelin... she has been standing by me whenever i needed someone to be there... whenever, i just dun feel good, she is always there to be my listening ear... hmm... let the both of us press on together... as we have promised jie yi... okie?!
PS: what is meant to be known by you will be known, what is meant not to be known by you will not be known..
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``7/04/2006 08:52:00 AM``
``Sunday, July 02, 2006``
ok, just take it as all is my fault
i also dunno why these few days, i have been arguing with my sister and mother... it is like when someone just shout at me... i will lose my coolness and shout back regardless of who are you... arrgg.. i dunno what is wrong with me... didnt really sleep last nite during camp cos i was playing computer then go for service this morning... it is like i just dun feel like talking la... all i wan is to sit down alone and stone there... maybe becos i am tired... i think it is time for me to go swimming le... to distress...
hmm...today, i serving communion... then sat with cg during service today lor... hmm.. well... a... i also dunno wat to say la.. okie.. then after tat the service was quite okie la... cos partly, during service, my brain is shut off from everything i dunno why.. it is until at the end of the service when we sang the song "Take all of me", it was then when all my emotions could no longer control and i just felt i need Him to guide me... to be my compass.. my tears seems to be like a tap with the spoilt pipe where water cant stop flowing...
then after service, met jie yi then talk to her about somethings about me and shelin la.. then after tat went to find my cg... fellowship with them lor since very long didnt fellowship le... then i was actually sitting there stoning.. dunno wat to do... just sit there and playing with my phone... hmm.. okie, i think i need to say sorry to my cgl also.. cos when she was giving announcement, i was playing with my phone.. haix..
then after tat, came home le... went to my uncle's wedding dinner... it was at sentosa.. had fun and played with my baby cousin... hee hee... then drank wine again... then i had this uncle who is like 2 years older than me only la... then both of us have been playing together since we were young.. so at our last glass of wine, we decided to dare each other to bottoms up... and it is red wine... we are crazy.. but at least... i felt better after drinking..
okie la.. dun wan to type le... bye bye.. been silent is the peace of everything...
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``7/02/2006 11:35:00 PM``
finally finish my i & e project le
while, last nite after i finish my cg.. then went for fellowship with my cg at the roti prata... then after tat went off early with lijuan cos we going to meet kin sung, lam and desmond to watch World Cup at near lijuan's place... then after tat went back to lijuan's place to sleep then until this morning.. then went for my bs.. then after tat went down to South View Pri Sch to do my i & e which is smile campaign 2006 then after tat the press came then my friends said that they took video of me... but i not sure if it is true la... anyway, we had alot of fun with our friends and with the teachers...
wat i was also happy is also because when i went there i saw my primary sch teacher who i have respected alot.. she is mrs jennifer lim.. ya.. she is the one who taught me alot of leadership and actually help me to grow up as a leader and build my foundation... so i was really happy to see her there la... finally after a few years, i have found her there... anyway, back to the topic... we met afew teachers who were really good to us... and i have to thank my groupmate for being
so understanding towards me la through out this project..
then after everything ended, i came back to ngee ann for my napfa camp la.. then once again we had lots of fun... these camp actually remind me the past when i was having alot of camp.. not sleeping at nite... then chatting with friends.. haha.. then after that, i went out of the room... then i was sitting there looking at the carpark but my mind is in total blank la.. haix.. nvm... we shall see how things go then...
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``7/02/2006 12:24:00 AM``
``Saturday, July 01, 2006``
somethings are meant to kept in the heart
hmm... well, for the past few days... if you know that my mood has been changing all the while... actually dunno how i am feeling right now la.. people have feeling trying to talk sense to me... but it seems tat i am not getting their advises into my head especially when i am having mood swing.. haha..
anyway, ytd, geraldine announce that lijuan will be leaving our cellgroup le.. so she will be joining another cg la... then at that time, i was on the phone with shirley cos talking to her about some things.. actually wanted to ask her to come out to watch soccer with us de... but then she is watching with her neighbours...
okie.. wat i can say is somethings are meant for me to know and to be kept in my heart de... unless you are able to break some of my feelings now then maybe i will consider telling you wat is am feeling about wat i am thinking ba.. it is too much to think and too much to take... if only i can comfort myself..
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``7/01/2006 11:25:00 PM``
