``Saturday, February 11, 2006``

my heart is shut

ytd.. had my assignment walkthrough.. hmm.. actually the paper end at 7pm de.. but then the paper was quite easy thus i finish within 45 mins.. then i rush down for cellgroup...
then ytd was hong ming's birthday... then after tat went to eat with the cellgroup.. then i left with soo eng at about 11... hmm.. although i know that i will definitely going to get scolding from my parents... it is standard de.. but anyway, we took a cab back... when i reach home, i realised they has locked the door.. then my parents off their phone... when i was about to leave and go to my grandma's place.. my mother opened the door... then after tat... my dad went *&^*%$&%#&%&$^&^ dun remember wat they say le.. then they wanted to talk to my cgl.. but couldnt find her.. so i called lijuan.. then my dad talked to her... hmm.. from the time when my father talked to lijuan, my heart is already shut..
i believed tat if simple things like tat they also need to call my friend to ask.. and i am no longer the small kid.. then my heart is already shut.. y wonder to tell them so much when i dun get the simple trust i need...
last nite.. i actually cried myself to sleep.. but i know that my heart is once again harden.. and not able to open so easily.. at first.. in the past.. i will not open up de.. until i gt saved.. then i started to learn how to open up to my parents and talk to them.. but after last nite's incident.. i no longer know how to talk to my parents anymore.. or i should say... i have to say anymore.. watever is going to happen in future.. will lies in my hand.. all decision are made by me, myself and i...anyway, no matter wat i do, they are not happy with it.. so y do i wan to bother..
lijuan after tat msg me and ask me not to rebel.. i will listen cos i have nothing to talk to them le.. i will go home early if i can.. but i will still shut myself in the room... doesnt make any diff also.. haix.. i dunno la.. this morning.. i speak less than 5 sentences to my mum only.. and they are also incomplete.. then in the car.. when my dad drive me to sch.. he tried to make me talk.. and talk to me.. i also speak less than 10 sentence.. and every question he ask me.. i only go.. ah.. orn.. that all.. then i was listening to my songs.. nt really paying attention to wat he says.. cos i dont see a need to do that..

see lor.. how long before i will start to open up again.. depends.. maybe days, maybe months, maybe years... dunno.. but i know for sure.. i will never forget this day that they did something like tat.. if everything i wan to do also NO NO NO.. then keep me alive on earth for wat? there is no joy, no fun..

-Finding back my cheerfulness-

][-Van-][ ``2/11/2006 08:23:00 AM``

[..About Me..]

Name: VaNesSa taN
Bdae: 16/03/1987
Skool: ngee ann poly
CouRse: IT
E-mail: energy_mystery@hotmail.com (friendster n msn)

[..Wishing Well..]

  • GPA = 3.0
  • Personal Room
  • New Guitar
  • New Handphone -> N6280
  • Own Car?? Toyota
  • Bag -> clumpler bag
  • Clothes
  • Rippers Slippers
  • shoes
  • Mac laptop
  • go South Korea
  • get my driving license
  • guitar skills improve

    [..My Love..]

    shopping
    sleeping
    singing with friends
    cHat On MsN
    daydreaming
    gReEn CuShiON
    CHat oN pHonE
    LiSteNiNg tO MuSiC
    swiMminG
    friends
    family
    Usher Ministry 4S5
    Laos Team 06

    [..Memories of her..]

    November 2004
    December 2004
    January 2005
    February 2005
    March 2005
    June 2005
    July 2005
    August 2005
    September 2005
    October 2005
    November 2005
    December 2005
    January 2006
    February 2006
    March 2006
    April 2006
    May 2006
    June 2006
    July 2006
    August 2006
    September 2006
    October 2006
    November 2006
    December 2006


    • [..Laos TeaM 2006..] [..that's wat friends are for..]

    [..finale video 15 Days together..]

    [..Count Down..]



    [..Tag Me..]

    = Daniel Powter - Bad Day =

    = Fei Lun Hai - Yi Ke Ren Liu Lang =

    [..LaOs TEaM 06 Memories Creator..]

    ][ChEnG ChEnG][
    ][pEi XiN][

    [..BrOtHeRs & SisTeR..]

    ][JayMe - 4S5][
    ][Feng Ming - 4S5][
    ][Jing Xuan - 4S5][
    ][Rachel - 4S5][
    ][Huiming - 4S5][
    ][Jeff - 4S5][
    ][Xin Yan - midnite msn =)][
    ][Natalie - 4S5][
    ][beloved 4S5 - one & only][
    ][Charmaine - 4S5][
    ][Miss JuL - 4S5][
    ][Shirley - N339][

    [..Friendz..]

    ][Suliani][
    ][Gayithri][
    ][Esmund][
    ][Estee][
    ][JacQue|iNe][
    ][WeN][
    ][D04 SqUad 5][
    ][KaReEn][
    ][AdRiAn][
    ][Ern][
    ][JaniCe][
    ][HuI ZheN][
    ][Zi Wei][
    ][GraCe][
    ][EuNicE][
    ][TiVoNa][
    ][JoLeNe][
    ][HuI JiE][
    ][JiA XiN][

    [..Self Motivation..]
    To succeed is to stay focus on 1 thing

    Never run away from a problem. Face it or it will haunt you

    Every Morning, when I wake up, I treasure the innocence of being able to enjoy each day.

    [..Teaching..]
    Hebrews 5:8
    though He was a Son, yet He learned obedience by the things which He suffered.

    Proverbs 15:1
    A soft answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.

    [..Movies to catch..]


    Start: 31 August 2006
    Duration: nil


    Start: 9 August 2006
    Duration: 96 mins


    Start: 17 August 2006
    Duration: 100 mins


    Start: 24 August 2006
    Duration: 85 mins


    Start: 31 August 2006
    Duration: 113 mins


    Start: 5 October 2006
    Duration: 110 mins


    Start: 29 September 2006
    Duration: 125 mins


    Start: 26 October 2006
    Duration: 140 mins


    Start: 26 October 2006
    Duration: 105 mins

    [..Movies watched..]

    * The Lake House - 4 Aug 06
    * Click - 7 Aug 06
    * Dragon Tiger Gate - 7 Aug 06
    * Pirates of Caribbean (Dead Man's chest) - 19 Aug 06
    * Toyoko Drift - 22 Aug 06
    * The Break Up - 24 Aug 06
    * Snakes on a plane - 28 Aug 06
    * Little Man - 14 Aug 06
    * Little Miss Sunshine - 9 Oct 06
    * World Trade Center - 11 Oct 06
    * The Convenent - 09 Nov 06
    * Casino Royale - 26 Nov 06

    [..Linkies..]
    JSS_npcc
    hotmail
    NPCC
    Friendster
    guitar4Christ
    Christian Guitar Chords
    Guitar Pop Songs
    Usher Ministry 4S5
    Ngee Ann Poly CHC
    Ngee Ann Poly Napfa Society

    [..Credits..]

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