``Tuesday, January 31, 2006``
4 different squads send 1 representive? haha
today.. went out with chin lim, ming tat and jun wen.. hmm.. all jssnpcc.. of different batch de.. haha.. cool..
chin lim - 2001 batch
me - 2000 batch
ming tat - 2002 batch
jun wen - 1998 batch
then we went out for lunch today then went to watch movie "fearless".. a.. can say not really a nice show la.. find it a bit too violent le.. haha.. tat y it is nc16.. but anyway.. still okie afterall.. then went to eat swenson after tat.. haix.. today really spend alot of money.. then talk to a friend on the phone... had a good chat... cos everytime when we want to have a talk between only 2 of us.. there is always someone will happen to appear then we cannot say liao.. if not is when we are about to talk.. someone called in to conference.. haha.. we were talking about when we were still cadets.. how fun was it and how mischievous are we? that we often do things tat knowing it is wrong yet still continue to do it...then talk to soo eng msn also... then she saw sir jie hui with his gf.. hmm.. there used to be a story between the 5 of us... pork, wen, eng, me and siew ching.. hmm.. it was really fun tat time.. then suddenly we were also talking about how much we miss our cadet life and how much we miss our squadmates... when we are so busy tat we could hardly meet together as a squad except me and her.. =(
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``1/31/2006 10:58:00 PM``
chinese new year 06
well.. my chinese new year is also a routine.. 1st.. all of us have to go to my relatives on my mum's side to bai nian then 2nd day... all will have to gather at my grandma's place... hmm.. then on the 1st day, when i went visiting, i suddenly realise tat i have so many niece and nephews.. and my cousins n i have became baby sitters this year... helping my cousins to take care of the babies while they need to do their job of distributing hong bao greet my uncles and aunties... and we are feeling a weird because normally.. the house will be full of the sound.. "mummy, mummy".. this year.. was "ah yi, ah yi"... except those who still unable to speak yet.. but they are cute.. especially.. one of my nephrew.. he doesnt cry at all.. no matter who carry him.. but also very smart... he only bully us... dun bully my parents, and my auntie and uncles.. haha.. when we carry him.. he will start to pull our clothes.. and he will pull my cousin's ear-ring.. cos very big.. then he will start to smile.. and he like to play with our bags and try to carry them.. haha.. hmm.. then ytd.. went to my grandma's place.. many people not around so ytd.. only made to drink a glass of red wine.. haha..
hmm.. later going out with my friends.. maybe going to watch a movie.. cos partly.. one of my friend wanted to have a talk with me... so we juz asked a few more friends to go along lor.. then after tat then maybe to somemore to sit down to talk ba..
actually.. the both of us felt that... there is someone beside us that has change our mindset.. that we are thinking quite alot.. wat is our prioty now? and seems like we are willing to give up at this pt of time... but becos of some personal reasons or we have already made that decision... and i think time to really think about my friends around me.. who are the ones who are trying to stop me from growing in every part of my life..
van.. stop playing already.. time to wake up from your sleep.. you have played enough... enjoyed enough.. now.. juz for the next 1 month.. focus on your studies and do well.. better go n make a personal time-table for yourself and make sure you follow it.. getting into year 2 is your aim now.. your results are really no good.. a brand new year.. think of your future..
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``1/31/2006 10:47:00 AM``
``Saturday, January 28, 2006``
tampines mall again.. haha
hmm.. juz nw after class... went to help ms leong to do some stuffs then after that wait until 4pm then went for my Creative And Thinking Skills presentation... hmm... finally cleared this presentation but then we still need to edit somethings inside our work itself lor..
then after tat... went to meet May and Hong Ming at tampines mall.. we went shopping for a while first... then after tat we went to eat sushi for dinner... hmm.. then as we went eating.. we were chatting... then end up i also dunno how long we sat.. but we kept on drinking the green tea.. then after tat went to arcade to play games.. then went home le.. hmm.. then started to pack my room until now lor.. hee hee..
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``1/28/2006 01:24:00 AM``
lots of things to consider *thinking*
hmm... on thurday... after going for napfa test... then audrey, kristen, zi wei and i went to Holland V to eat nasi lemak... hmm.. it was quite nice.. anyway, main purpose of the meeting is to talk about something la... then after we finish eating... we went to coffee beans... then we chat about 2hrs... hmm.. at times... kristen, zi wei and i will try to change the topic... haha.. very bad of us.. like bully our president-audrey like tat.. cos we talking about the next upcoming committee and other things tat is happening in the club itself la... anyway, although most of the time the whole talk is serious, we also enjoyed each other company la... since we can really click quite well with each other.... =)
Napfa Society - Flames that never dies
then there are some points to consider lor.. plus agm is really quite near and nothing is really done yet.... i have been thinking alot... why so? am i a good organiser? or i shouldnt have taken this post cos i am only a year 1 yet... there are many seniors who are in the club... will they be willing to take orders from me? but now to me... nothing is really important as long as the club can really come as 1 team.. Jia yOu!!
Congrats to all those who passed their Singapore Sports Council Napfa Tester Course... including me.. yeah!! well dOne..
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``1/28/2006 01:13:00 AM``
``Thursday, January 26, 2006``
should i leave?
ytd.. there is this friend of mine talk to me... cos i had my driving 2nd theory lesson last nite.. then after tat i need to rush to expo for the new year service... then he was trying to get me not to go for service last nite... he said tat why bother going for service? should spend more time doing npcc things because been a CI can maximum do until the age of 22 but going church, it can be forever... so i should spend more time on npcc things right now instead of church events... then i told him that it is my personal life... then he said if i wan to go for church service, why dont i terminate my CI ship right now... hmm.. i really dunno wat to do now.. haix.. i juz feel tat my parents although sometimes they will get angry with me for going for too much church events but they also didnt control my life and choose the road for me.. who is he to make decision for me?? =(
anyway, as i took a cab down to expo.. i saw a sign which is say that there is a traffic jam from jurong to changi.. then how am i going to reach expo before 8.30pm? then i was praying that the road will be clear and there wasnt a jam as we went through PIE until there was a jam at Steven Rd.. but i was only stuck there for 5 mins then after tat the road is clear already.. horray!! then went for service.. hmm.. then Lam exchange seat with me.. then he went to sit with the cellgroup leaders.. hmm.. learn some new things from the service last nite... & the service was great..
"Acceptance doesnt mean approval"
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``1/26/2006 09:50:00 AM``
``Monday, January 23, 2006``
had a great talk with my dears
today.. after school.. went to meet my 2 dears... cos so long never meet le.. plus we have somethings to say la.. then huiting and i haven buy shoes yet ma.. so while waiting for joyce, we went to shop for shoes until she arrived.. then we went to long john silver to eat our dinner... then sit there to chat alot of things... about our lives now... and we are talking about joyce and him... and our relationship in the past... plus wat is happening in unit now... then after tat... we gave up our seats to others.. then we went to the void deck to continue our chat... told joyce about some truth... and ting and i were trying to ask joyce to forget about him... cos it has been so long le since they broke up... then now, there is a guy going after her... and we know tat she doesnt like the guy but juz becos the guy like her, she wan to give him a chance.. after wat i have said to her... but ting feels tat... it is best that i tell her those words now.. hmm... then after tat we went on separated ways home.. although we can take the same bus home.. cos the 3 of us juz wanted to be quiet alone to think about wat has happened...
joyce msg me and told me tat... she cannot take it anymore.. cos the guy keep on smsing her.. so i called her.. and realised that she has not gone home.. and was still outside... and while i was talking to her.. she was crying...
Father, i pray that you will help joyce to get over him and let her be cheerful once again... looking at her feeling sad and hear her crying... i juz feel bad cos there is nothing tat i can help her in any way... all i can is to console her and pray for her.. but still i really hope tat she will get over everything soon and move on...
hmm.. although the chat didnt ended happily but we enjoyed the company we had today... cos it has been ages since the 3 of us really sit down and had a heart to heart talk le.. cos normally, with the rest.. we cant talk about some secrets tat only the 3 of us know.. so felt great today..
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``1/23/2006 09:25:00 PM``
The Scene Aesthetic - Alvin Maker's Greensong
Kun asked me to listen to this song and i felt tat it is quite nice.. so if you want to hear it go to
this link: http://www.purevolume.com/thesceneaesthetic
below is the lyrics
Fighting to keep this alive
Constantly fighting to keep myself going
Dear friend, I haven't the slightest desire
To help keep you going
Keep to myself all the time
(Kid it's better that way)
Try to avoid all the lines
(But I can't have you stay)
And the things that they say
Fighting to keep this alive
(Kid it's better that way)
Constantly fighting to keep myself going
(But I can't have you stay)
Please don't run from your problems
You can't keep running, there's no place to go
As you escape from your life
This house becomes hollow
And all we can do is just wait
Sit here and wait for this train to arrive
I've got my bags packed and I've said my goodbyes
Constantly giving into these moments
That just bring me down
Just bring me close enough to stay around, to stay around
Keeping to yourself is no way to live your life
You can't fight what's coming
And all that you can do is sit back and realize, we'll be there
Cause you keep waiting for someone to save you
Embrace you and take you away, far away
Take you so far from this place.
Running away, so far away
Running away, so far away
I can't stay, I can't stay with you here
I can't stay, I can't stay with you here
As you escape from your life
This house becomes hollow
And all we can do is just wait
Sit here and wait for this train to arrive
I've got my bags packed and I've said my goodbyes
Constantly giving into these moments
That just bring me down
Just bring me close enough to stay around, to stay around
But I won't stay around
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``1/23/2006 12:06:00 PM``
love is our essence
was browsing the net and i came across this... i find some points quite true about people...
Love is our Essence - by Gerald G. Jampolsky, M.D.
The word love, as we generally use it, means something quite different from real love. It is conditional love -- giving in order to get. It is a bargain, a trade arrangement. This is often fairly obvious in romantic relationships in which each partner is giving with the expectation that it will be returned in the specific form that is desired. Conditional love is also what passes for kindness in most parent/child relationships. Here, the extension of love is contingent on approved behavior and attitudes. Parents frequently seek an affirmation of their own worth through the accomplishments of their child and through "payments" of respect. Children often love their parents only when they get what they think they want, whether this be a new possession or approval and praise. Such love is neither dependable nor permanent, and its temporary nature causes us to carry the underlying fear that we are about to be abandoned.
We all say that we want to have less conflict, fear, stress, and depression. And deep within our hearts we do want this. But on the level from which we function most of the time, we rarely choose peace over conflict and happiness over fear because of the sacrifices we believe this choice must entail. We also believe that there is satisfaction in revenge, that we can be right by proving someone else wrong, that to humble someone who is being difficult will give us "a little peace and quiet." We think that there are people who deserve to lose because of their behavior and that the pain they receive is just. We try to increase love with one person by excluding others. We mistake guilt for attraction; we believe that pain can be pleasurable and that taking is getting. Then we are puzzled as to why this approach to life does not bring us peace, and yet we see no reason to change our basic beliefs.
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``1/23/2006 11:34:00 AM``
``Sunday, January 22, 2006``
chinese new year 06
new year is coming soon but yet... i haven get my shoes yet haha... ops.. haix... no mood to go shopping also... i will getting very lazy... how?? hmm... i am really looking forward to my long vacation... the projects are really driving me crazy... hmm... finally, juz nw... my mum was packing our rooms... actually she also put her clothes and towels in my cupboard but she cleared everything juz nw.. cos she say i gt too many clothes liao... haha... ops.. hmm... suddenly i realised that i gt more skirts then jeans... how could this thing ever happen? nvm... hmm...
sometimes, i feel tat i am a like a "spoilt" child... so big le.. my mum is still helping me to pack my cupboard? when am i going to learn... dun be dependent on people on such things... when i am so independent with other things?
then my dad asked my sis and i asked if we wan to invite friends to our place during chinese new year the 3rd day.. cos this year gt 3 days of new year ma.. hmm.. i didnt answer him cos i also dunno wat to say.. haha.. hmm.. dunno leh.. should invite or shouldnt invite??? cos the next day still gt sch..
van, can you grow up? you always ask your cadets to use their brain to think... if they cant think then you scold them then wat is your brain for? but you realised tat you have never really use this question on yourself??? can you think before you talk?? think before you act?? dun be so anxious to rush into everything and end up nth is successful... can you dun be so senitive to wat others say about you?? let them say... some may not be truth... you know yourself best... lastly, think before you going to make any decision... you know your mind is not stable.. so dun make any big decisions nw and regret later.. think carefully wat you wan in your future.. who you wan to be..
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``1/22/2006 09:21:00 PM``
no one to blame except myself
this service msg was great.. power of confession.. i heard this many types and i know tat as we speak, it will happen to us... but yet... i still have many negative thoughts tat are through in my mind... God, help me to think more positive... i know there are people around me who are trying to make me think more positively but yet when i face any problems, i will think of the worst situation instead of the better... izzit becos i am always keeping everything to myself and not sharing which causes me to think more and more negative each time when something happen?
anyway, juz nw after service, we went to eat at the food court.. then after tat 1 by 1 left... so in the end, left with yuhong, hong ming, lijuan, shi en and me.. then yuhong was sleeping... while lijuan and shi en was talking in another place... then hong ming and i were talking about something... then after a while... yuhong left for ministry le.. then hong ming suggest tat we might as well go for our training cos we also dunno wat to do... then let lijuan and shi en continue their talk... dun disturb them... so in the end... hong ming went for his TKD training then i actually wanted to go for chingay training de... while i was in the mrt, as usual when it is such a long trip.. my mind starts to think about things(cant say, dun wish to, dunno how to, dun wan to) then in the end... i headed home cos i dun think i am in the right mind to train anymore... life can be very simple but yet.. i am always the one who is making myself miserable... when can i grow up??
if i cant take the soft way to make myself not to think so much then i shall take the hard way but torturing myself physically until i dun have the energy to think at all... becos by then i will be physically exhausted...
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``1/22/2006 05:44:00 PM``
my God is always there
actually.. i believe tat those people who have read my blog know tat this week was quite a hard week for me to through.. and the reason behind.. i shall say any further... but so far 2 people know le.. so my emotions were quite bad then i get very moody very easily.. all of the sudden kind of thing... and every nite i will be thinking about the problem and write myself to sleep which make me even exhausted in the past few days... but no matter how late i sleep, i juz have the energy to go to sch and even going for my cca.. i wan to thank God for the people that he has send to speak to me... then my prayer was also answered cos i was quite moodless this week and agm is coming.. i am really stress out le.. then my president called me last nite that the agm has been prosponed due to there will be a napfa test going on.. wow!
then today gt chingay full-dress rehearsal ma.. then my leg still hurt alot and i need to run although i have changed... now, i am only a helper in the parade... i had problem walking long distance let alone short.. but didnt bother about it.. and when are doing our rehearsal, i was quite surprised tat i could run.. wow! thanks god.. if nt i will slow down everything.. but the sad news is tat... my shoes spoil le after the rehearsal.. but still i managed to make my way back... hee hee.. at the moment, i really very tired nw.. after 1 whole day... anyway, my mind is clear nw.. i can think better...
hmm.. today for bs is already lesson 10 then 2 weeks later will be lesson 2... then the following week.. as we continue VL.. we will also have our CL test tat week... wat pastor told us today... oh no!! need to remind myself to study... and be faithful to the little things in my life...
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``1/22/2006 12:35:00 AM``
releasing my anger
sitting in the mrt going down to suntec for bs.. juz went separate ways with kah wee cos we went for our Basic Theory Lesson this morning.. then on the way, he told me many things on wat is going on and why are things happening this way.. the 3 of us are still nt fit to be CIs, we are still at the senior NCOs stage.. hmm.. how would you feel after hearing this? we have lost our fighting morale already.. let alone to serve wholeheartedly once again.. then as usual, i choose not to say anything and let him be the one talking.. then he asked where i was going so i told him i going for bible studies then he told me dont go la.. be free thinker is better.. then ask me not to go for service tml morning.. instead go and do npcc stuff.. why does everyone trying to tell me wat i should do, believe? not to do this, not to go there... i dun give comments doesnt mean i consent but i am juz lazy to argue back... Althought npcc is my passion but doesnt mean i will give up other things for it, "people" dont act as though you know me very well.. yes, i will commit my time into npcc and i will follow your instructions but you dun have the rights to control my personal life..
sometimes, i juz feel tired going home.. all you all do is tell me do this not to do that.. have you all ever wonder how the val and i felt? when you all look into our stuff.. have you all thought of that we are growing up and we need some little privacy?
hmm.. i am fine friends but i juz want to write out my anger for the things tat i am not happy with to release my anger in my heart.. =)
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``1/22/2006 12:03:00 AM``
``Saturday, January 21, 2006``
cellgroup meeting
today is the first cellgroup meeting in lijuan's place... hmm.. today msg.. there were some parts tat i felt that i really need to improve in 2006.. erm... as i was listening to gerry preaching.. then there were flashes of wat my dad has said to me.. and i really felt bad.. but after a while... i felt tat i no longer feel sad or hurt anymore... and i shouldnt have give up at any problems.. cos i knw tat no matter wat happen..God will already be there..
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``1/21/2006 12:44:00 AM``
``Friday, January 20, 2006``
i finally understood wat is going on
firstly... today went for training today.. then i injured.. =( my knee is still very painful.. tml still gt chingay parade rehearsal... how? then after tat.. kun called up to ask me to do the song sheet for the cgm.. then on the way.. lijuan called up... then talk to her.. then very surprised is tat... i didnt know she is reading my blog recently also.. then she asked if i gt anything to tell her.. then i told her no... then after tat.. she say "guai la.. i buy for u duo hua.. then you tell me wat is going on.. " treat me like a small kid like tat.. say i need to be "hong" de then i will say.. i small kid meh? hmm.. dunno.. haha.. then she seems to know alot of things already from reading my blog... i dunno how she did tat.. so since she already managed to figure out.. after chatting for a while with wat she wan to tell me.. finally... she managed to make me tell her the whole story... haha.. then told her le.. she told me some things tat maybe i may not see it yet cos i am still young.. but she has seen it.. so after listening to wat she have said.. hmm.. i felt better le.. but then i still will not answer tat 2 questions tat are posted to me..
then took a cab down to lijuan's place but then having heavy traffic jam.. haix.. i know should have taken the MRT instead.. i think it would be faster lor.. anyway.. cgm will be in lijuan's place liao.. then we were having fellowship when lijuan really took the dou hua and pass to me.. oh no.. she really treat me like a small kid.. -_-'''
now.. i realised tat my parents are afraid that they might lose me.. that y they said those hurting words.. but they didnt realised tat it has affected me very badly..
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``1/20/2006 11:58:00 PM``
had a good chat
hmm... today i had lessons... anyway.. gt another project coming up again.. and you know wat... i didnt really think about my problem today cos the whole day, i was keeping myself very busy.. after my class.. actually today dun need to do napfa de.. then in the end.. i decided to go down to help cos anyway i got nothing to do meh.. haha.. a bit bo liao.. say le la.. i will keep myself busy.. then once.. i reach home... i started to do my BIS project.. then after tat chat with chin lim for quite long until nw juz put down... we chat about alot of things.. and how feel about things lor.. *details cannot be disclosed here* hmm... for the first time... i am chatting with him for so long... anyway... this morning.. i told shelin about the question that pop out in my mind the previous day, then she also understand wat i mean.. but we are still holding on... and shelin is definitely feeling better nw.. thanks God! I beginning to like my cca a not.. hee hee... and of course... i made great friends and like a family to me.. then talk to my classmates together also..
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``1/20/2006 12:24:00 AM``
``Thursday, January 19, 2006``
mi = funny creature
having my 3 hrs break nw.. anyway... i managed to plan my timing in the way tat i might not have the time to think about anything.. my friends did the project then i told them i will go home and do up the rest.. then i took up most of days to do napfa test then by the time i go home.. i will be dead tired.. then this time really during lessons.. i was listening to wat teacher is teaching.. then now most of the time.. spending to go for rehearsal for chingay parade.. and the rest of the time... i plan to go swimming... or do something to keep myself busy..
sometimes... i really envy babies when i walk past them... cos they dun have any worries.. all they need to do is to get attention from people and enjoy their lives... i feel tat human are funny creatures... when we are young.. how we wish to go up fast.. when we are studying.. how we wish to be working.. when we are working.. how we wish to be studying... when we are wearing sch uniform... how we wish to wear home clothes to sch... when we are grown up... how we wish tat we are still small.. no worries... how i wish tat i can join my cousin in Australia now.. then i can forget all my worries and unhappiness here... plus.. forgive doesnt mean forget wat.. once things are done.. they are done.. sure to be chances in the relationship with the person.. even if forgiven the scar will still be there... wat is the difference then??? arg.. wat am i talking about??
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``1/19/2006 03:34:00 PM``
``Wednesday, January 18, 2006``
wat bloging seems to me now?
i really dunno la.. everyday.. it is quite like a routine to update my blog lor..when i always say tat i dun wan to let anyone know about my problems yet i am writing my feelings on my blog.. van, wat are you trying to do?? can you tell me? where is the cheerful self of your??? hmm.. wat about today... i was really glad that napfa test today was really busy so tat i can at least forget all the problems first... but when i told my president something... you could sense tat she is really very upset.. i really dunno wat i wan for my life now.. it is in a total mess.. my result is real bad... my current situation is making me think twice before i move my next step... my friends are real busy with sch and project so didnt wan to disturb them also... i even had the thoughts of giving up everything i have now... i actually thought of something... but i dunno if it is going to come true becos of some reason?? anyway, i know tat God is using someone who has been continuously encouraging me these few days to let me know He is there... to let me feel the love of God.. hmm.. then another thing is.. these few days, i juz cant eat.. i dun have the mood to eat.. but dunno y... i juz had the feeling tat someone around me tat is nt happy about something or about me... hmm.. dunno y i will had tat type of feelings... but sometimes.. it is true.. anyway, i really exhausted le.. so i still need to do the upcoming AGM for my cca.. i wan to make it the best for my graduating seniors...
i juz wan to find things to do to keep myself occupied so tat my mind will not go wild... i am back to the past once again.. but at least.. the suicide thing doesnt come to my head... all i wan nw is to go running... run as long as i can... as though there is no end.. and of course.. the best will still be swimming... swimming under water, not coming up really allows me to think alot... although i remember tat there was this person who told me by going underwater will not solve any of my problems... but wat else can i do?? talk to someone?? can... who?? plus nt everyone is able to make me talk about my problems.. and the few who has the method to make my talk doesnt know anything cos i dun wan to tell them... my sec sch..no longer can make me talk anymore cos i nt their students... haix.. dunno la.. dun talk la.. talk it will make me breakdown again.. dun wan to let anyone see me dropping tears once again..
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``1/18/2006 10:19:00 PM``
maybe she is rite
in Business Information System lecture now.. feeling exhausted nw... juz dont feel like listening to the lecture.. cos having a very bad headache right now... and i dont feel good... feeling sick.. haix.. back to topic.. actually... there is this person who knows about my whole situation... and she actually suggested tat i should talk to someone to let out everything instead of keeping everything to myself.... cos she cant help me much also as she also has some problems at the moment.... hmmm.. maybe i should consider to talk to someone who i can really say everything out... cos not everyone is able to make me talk about my problems... see how la...if the person that i should to appear when i am ready to talk about wat is happening then i will say lor.. if not.. then juz wait... maybe i will forget everything soon before i talk to anyone.. haha.. then dun need to burden anyone le.. =)
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``1/18/2006 11:19:00 AM``
``Tuesday, January 17, 2006``
thanks.. Kun
hmm... kun was the second person who asked me wat has happened to me le.. but still i didnt tell him actually wat happen but he knows who does it concern.. anyway, i juz wan to thanks him for the encouragment he has given me and letting me remember that "No problem is too big when you bring it to God." then as he was talking to me on msn.. i dunno why, i juz breakdown once agian... wat is wrong with me?? then i decided to play my guitar.. so took n guitar and started to praise and worship Him and pray.. and as i prayed..... wat happened... * i dun wish to describe it here* i really dunno wat to write le... all i can say is tat... the thing i know is tat... my dad will never know how badly his words had affected my life for these 2 days already...
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``1/17/2006 09:50:00 PM``
new things found in my house
these 2 days.. have been coming home early cos no where to go and dun have the mood to go also.. then everyday is after class.. i will stay go for cca or i will stay in SDARS office to do things... in ms leong office.. haha.. hmm.. then today i went running... for 1mins 30 secs only.. haha.. 1 lap round the track cos after tat it started to rain liao.. so today's napfa was also cancelled... so come home earlier lor.. come back to prepare for tml agm meeting things...
came home then i realise tat again there is changes in my house... wow! 3rd week le.. still can see changes in my house... i saw a wine cooler in my place.. the goodies are getting more... hmm.. and i also dunno why my dad suddenly told me tat i can invite my friends to my place during chinese new year.. erm... should i??
anyway... back to the topic... i think i have went to the next level le.. i can still laugh, smile and enjoy and joke around with my classmates and friends when the things tat my dad has said are still poping up in my head... i will only change my mood when i am alone... and when i face my family, i can recall every single word tat my dad has said to me.. and it juz cant get off my head.. i juz dont feel like doing anything... i juz wan to sit down anywhere and juz stare at anything in front of me... the day tat those things tat my dad has said to me doesnt get off my head... i dont think i can be really cheerful.. but instead i felt fake.. haix.. what should i do? =(
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``1/17/2006 08:36:00 PM``
``Monday, January 16, 2006``
some achievements today
this morning.. it seems difficult. I was dragging myself to school with my heavy legs... as i walked into the school... my dad's questions were still poping in my head tat i juz dun feel like going to class and headed home instead... but as i walked, i realised tat i reached my class already.. then saw shelin inside liao.. but then i juz dun have the mood to talk to her... so didnt talk... i sat there stoning and listened to my music... when i broke down once again in class... but the good news is no one knows about it... then as the day went by, i try to act as nothing happened... but only shelin and i know wat is going on in our lives at this point of time...
God, you are our father.. please guide us and lead us the way... i pray that the both of us can overcome the obstacle tat is right in front of us... and our faith for you will not change.. Amen.
during the day, shelin and i were talking about wat happened.. and it is really stretching us... then we really dunno wat to do le... but we had some serious talk between the both of us also... on the situation tat is going on in our lives la... cos we can see each other's problems... then after class... i went to meet kah wee to go bbdc to book my theory lessons... finally.. then i really need a break.. so... i went... swimming..
i swam 16 laps... without stopping in 25 mins.. cool rite? haha.. i felt refresh after tat.. but became darker once again.. then went back to ngee ann to be napfa tester.. and i receive a good news today tat i passed my singapore sports council napfa test so it means tat i am a qualified ssc tester now... yeaH! thanks God.. =) looks like i am juz trying to stretch myself physcially and mentally... hope i can pull through my own self- suffering...
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``1/16/2006 09:12:00 PM``
``Sunday, January 15, 2006``
i might or might not
looking at my nick... yuhong actually wanted to know wat really happened to me but i choose not to tell him cos although i say i have changed by becoming more open but then there are still things tat i dun wish to say if i have a choice... anyway... juz want to thank him for telling me: "
just remember.... know who u r in the lord.... put everything into his hands... seek him when u hv any prob....... understand.... he is my greatest comforter..... so i believe he can be urs too.." thanks.. i will always remember tat i am the child of God.. but i juz felt tat the impact on me was real bad that i juz have the urge to shut myself off from everyone and everything... to let myself cool down and sit down to think...
guys... i dunno if gayithri will tell you all a not... cos i only told her some part of it only.. cos she is also a WCI.. but if you cant contact me... dun bother looking for me.. cos if i am not picking up your calls, it shows tat i am avoiding you... or let you all(especially to my 2 dears) know where i am..
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``1/15/2006 11:35:00 PM``
who will understand wat i am going through?
this morning.. went for service as usual.. then after tat stay for the bible studies.. then went to BK to eat... then took a taxi down to meet mummy and valerie to shop for new year clothes.. then after tat.. came home liao.. then at nite.. when my dad came back.. he came to my room and talk to me of alot of things... why am i going through all these? i am really going crazy soon... everyone is expecting me to be the best of the best.. if this going to continue... i am going to breakdown soon... sch.. cca... family.. pressure.. parents objection.. npcc.. friends.. projects.. committments.. with my parents going to force me to make choices everytime.. i think i am really going crazy... why cant i choose the way tat i wan to live my life? everything is been control.. i am also human...why did they come out with requests and questions knowing tat i cant answer and dun wish to answer them? i will explode de.. no matter how much i can hide from people on the surface... there are still people around me who can sense that i am not okie... some of my ex-cadets and current cadets.. they can really see through tat i am nt myself for a while le.. but i have been denying it.. but they also know tat no point asking me cos nt everyone will able to make me talk about wat is going on with me.. nt even my close npcc squadmates..
God, please come and speak to me wat should i do?
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``1/15/2006 10:37:00 PM``
``Saturday, January 14, 2006``
serious talk
this morning.. went to yuan ching sec.. then the organisor ask us to be inside the parade also for chingay de.. so no choice lor.. join in the parade cos they gt not enough people ma.. then i went bible studies after tat.. then soo eng didnt come cos she took the wrong bus then during bs today, pastor took the forms for us to ask us to complete the forms for our ministry... hmm.. anyway, i already know wat i wanted so after filling up the form then i called gerry to let her know about it lor.. then actually, i was supposed to meet huiting and gayithri but thn in the end didnt cos huiting still in holland V with her friend.. then hong ming and i decided to go marina to eat.. then on the way, we were talking about alot of things la.. some serious talk *details nt to be disclosed* then when we were eating halfway, yuhong msg me so ask him come n join us lor.. then after sitting there to chit chat.. then we left le cos we are very tired then yuhong said he wanted to go giant.. so we went to giant... walk a few round.. haha.. then we walk on the way to mrt station le.. yuhong asked us to accompany him go park lane to eat cos his play of dota starts only at 7pm.. but the both us very tired le.. so in the end... still choose to go home.. then on the mrt.. we continued our talk... until we reached jurong east.. cos he alighted liao.. haha.. hmm.. then come home very tired de.. wan to sleep and fallen asleep liao.. then my dad came in then woke me up then i cant sleep liao.. then juz nice.. lijuan called up.. so chat with her for a while.. then i went to eat dinner le.. hmm.. i am still very tired.. tink go n sleep nw.. =) bye
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``1/14/2006 07:12:00 PM``
``Friday, January 13, 2006``
time to get serious
honestly.. this week.. i dunno wat i am doing in sch also.. other than listening to networking lecture.. the rest.. i was either half asleep dunno y( think too tired or boring) or i will be daydreaming or i will be playing games or i will be surfing the net or i will be watching movies.. oh no! how can that be? i cant stay on this way.. hmm.. time to make changes.. then ytd after sch, went home to get my guitar then went to meet jing hong in his place to play the guitar.. then played until 10pm.. then i reached home at about 11pm... then it was quite late le.. plus i lazy to on my lap top so didnt go online last nite.. so i watch tv lor... until after a while then i realise that i forgot that i left my hp in the room.. so went into the room then realise lijuan called up.. then call her back.. she gave me something to do.. tat i need to go and find out and give her the answer on sunday... hmm.. i gt the answer le.. but then dunno whether correct anot..
better get this into my head: get serious.
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``1/13/2006 08:59:00 AM``
``Wednesday, January 11, 2006``
although tired but ...
monday, after school.. i rushed home cos going to east coast ma.. then went home le.. went to bath and pack my stuff.. to go east coast de.. then after tat.. went to buy some things... then went to meet xxxx xxxx at about 7pm then went to get some more things for our bbq.. =) then went down to east coast first.. cos the rest will come later.. then we set up the fire... then after tat.. xxx , xxx xxx, xxxxxx came then we started our bbq.. although we forgot to bring butter but then the food that we cooked was quite nice still.. haha.. then we set up out tent... then went inside to play cards.. haha.. xxxxxx went home cos not staying overnight with us la.. then after a while xxxxxx came... then 2 of them went to play candles while the 3 of us continue to play cards.. haha.. you cant imagine... we played until 4am in the morning when the other 2 went to sleep le.. haha.. then after tat... she also went to sleep then i dun wan to sleep la.. cos i wan to see sun rise plus.. i dun feel sleepy at all.. then xxxx xxxx also didnt sleep cos cant sleep cos feeling very close.. oh no.. then i was sitting there doing reflection then after around 5.30am then went to see sun rise and breathe in some sea breeze.. then xxx xxx went home cos nt feeling well.. then when the rest woke up.. we started to play poker cards again.. =p while xxxxx went back to sleep again... haix.. then went she wake up le.. then we went to the sea to play with water... =)
after tat.. went to tampines for breakfast... haha.. then sit there to chit chat le.. then decided to go to mac.. haha.. 4 persons sharing 1 student meal.. then after tat... play poker cards again.. then went around tampines to shop for a while only cos too many people le... then went home.. we fell asleep the moment we were in the mrt lor..
then my mum called me.. and ask me to meet them for dinner in jurong point.. then i was very tired le.. but then i still went then after dinner.. did some shopping... bought 2 long sleeves formal shirt then bought 2 jeans.. hee hee.. hmm.. tink really need to go shopping for my new year clothes next week le..
P.S: all the xxx are names, but my spelling fail so dunno how to spell their names thus use xxx to represent.. haha =P
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``1/11/2006 09:01:00 AM``
``Monday, January 09, 2006``
i passed?
hmm... today come to sch like didnt come the same.. came to sch this morning.. then during web-designing class.. my class the gals were all chatting on msn with each other.. a bit bo liao la.. haha.. didnt study at all... then went for NF(networking class) which is now.. gt back our test paper.. then i realised tat i passed my paper.. haha.. wow! thanks god.. i didnt really study for my paper lor.. but then i still can passed... hmm... haha.. cannot.. muz study if nt i going to get a personalised time table le.. now.. in class.. also not studying.. haha.. using msn and listening to music.. but still i will listen to him while my lecturer talking la.. =) hopefully.. i can pass for my other 2 papers.. hmm.. =( D is nt enough..
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``1/09/2006 01:09:00 PM``
``Sunday, January 08, 2006``
shopping
today.. after service.. went to expo the food court that side to eat.. then actually, i was supposed to reach orchard for my ngee ann exhibits.. but then raining.. so stay there to have fellowship with the cell group first.. then after tat.. everyone started to leave except me and lijuan so both decided to go tampines mall.. then i will go over to orchard after tat... cos someone wanted to talk to me first.. then after tat, halfway, jac calling me but i cant pick up the phone so i msg her back then she told me dont need to liao cos ended le.. then after tat.. since i dun need to go back.. then i went shopping with lijuan.. haha.. she wants to change my image to make a new ME.. mm.. then bought some clothes.. then went to meet may... then we went burger king to chit chat and buy 1 meal 3 of us share.. haha.. then about 7 plus.. we decided to go mac.. haha.. from burger king to mac.. then eat again.. then we are crapping each other... then started to compete with may on writing of chinese words of chinese songs.. haha.. then around 10.. we left cos tomoro will be a very long day for all of us.. =)
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``1/08/2006 11:57:00 PM``
i love me! God loves me!
today.. went for the 2 services for Dr. Joyce Meyer... she was preaching about how we should appreciate wat we have in life and how to love ourselves.. the message really touched me and let me realise that i shouldnt run away from my problems but to face them and when i made a mistake, i shouldnt make myself miserable..many a times, while we made mistake, at times, we may tend to push the blame to other things but not ourselves.. all the while... when i have problems, i will use swimming to solve it but now i need to change tat le.. she also said that.. the best gift to give to your friends and family a health you( feeling good about yourself and feeling secure) and the first thing is God loves ME and I love ME..
we have to know who we are in christ if we really want to grow in god's word... and this gave me a confirmation about something tat someone has spoken to me last nite... and the things that this person has mention, Dr. Joyce Meyer has mention it too.. =)
we should seek the face of God and not the hands of God. No matter wat happens, i know that God loves me for who i am..
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``1/08/2006 11:43:00 PM``
``Saturday, January 07, 2006``
Service 1 - Joyce Meyer
after that.. i went for my bible studies... then went to meet lijuan.. she was with may and sabrina.. then we sat there to chit chat... then after tat.. we took mrt... then lijuan and i went for service.. hmm.. it is a good service... and i was really thinking alot... then i realise tat i really need to change my lifestyle alot.. i need to face the problem tat i am facing instead of trying to hide away and try to use swimming to solve all the problems.. but actually, it will not solve but juz keep in my heart and one of the days... i am definitely going to explode de..
then after tat meet may for dinner... went to bedok to eat mac... then we talk while we eat.. then went home first to help my friends to collect somethings for them... then went home le...
dun write le la.. cos i now talking on the phone with shaun and lijuan.. bye bye.. nitez..
* anyway, there is somethings tat i juz felt about... hmm.. dunno if i should say it anot?*
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``1/07/2006 11:39:00 PM``
X!capade NP roadshow in orchard
this morning.. woke up too early le.. so took my own sweet time to reach orchard.. hee hee.. hmm... we are helping out in the treasure hunt ma.. and the teams are made out of secondary school students.. so jac and i took the same team.. and the best part was the team tat i took was Hougang NPCC sec 4s.. haha.. dunno if this is fated, i actually gt cca display today in jss but in the end... i cant attend due to this event... ended up, i am still with npcc linked.. haha.. but it was enjoyable playing with them.. cos i was suaning them so slow.. haha.. NCO le ma.. (i am so bad)... then when i was them to focus on the left.. then i added.. look at your kiri, end up one of the guys said.. look on your right.. haha.. he blur le.. then i suan him.. kiri and kanan also luan le.. haha =p
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``1/07/2006 11:18:00 PM``
``Friday, January 06, 2006``
back to normal
haix... today's paper was horrible.. i know how to do the paper but yet i dun have the time to finish my paper and i throw away almost 45 marks lor.. wat the??? some more it is programming.. anyway, it made my day worst since i wasnt in the good mood for the past few days... then waited for 12pm to come so that i can go for the briefing for tml and sun's ngee ann event... then after tat, i took a cab down to jss cos 2pm start training ma.. and i dun wan to be late for training...
then had training... then meeting with our Teacher Officers about 2006 planning.. then after training... went to mac for our own Cadet Inspectors meeting.. wow... then started to eat... then after tat, i went back with zi yi.. then chin lim called me.. saying they coming to my place.. then meet them again... today... keeping on meeting on npcc things.. wow!! my head is seeing stars le.. hmm.. cannot see stars... i need to keep my promise that i have made last year... wat is my promise? dun tell you =p if you are fated to know... i will let you know.. and you will know.. haha...
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``1/06/2006 11:29:00 PM``
``Thursday, January 05, 2006``
A poem - my mind
Pale eyes, a blank expression,
wander through clouds of indescribable dreams.
Cold mist air, surrounded isolation
flaws my occupied mind
with either thoughts or voices. *change to my own phrase*
Something certain will be for always;
change in time forbids movement.
Fearing that people understands me more;
leave me alone, for a little while, *change to my own phrase*
Soon, I will be back to normal.
by: Darcy
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``1/05/2006 10:37:00 PM``
love is better than hate - extracted from love are
A kindergarten teacher has decided to let her class play a game. The teacher told each child in the class to bring along a plastic bag containing a few potatoes. Each potato will be given a name of a person that the child hates, so the number of potatoes that a child will put in his/her plastic bag will depend on the number of people he/she hates.
So when the day came, every child brought some potatoes with the name of the people he/she hated. Some had 2 potatoes, some had 3 while some up to 5 potatoes. The teacher then told the children to carry with them the potatoes in the plastic bag where ever they go(even to the toilet) for 1 week.
Days after days passed by, the children started to complain due to the unpleasant smell let out by the rotten potatoes. Besides, those having 5 potatoes also had to carry heavier bags. After 1 week, the children were relieved because the game had finally ended......
The teacher asked: "How did you feel while carrying the potatoes with you for 1 week?" The children let out their frustrations and started complaining of the trouble that they had to go through having to carry the heavy and smelly potatoes wherever they go.
Then the teacher told them the reason for the game. The teacher said: "This is exactly the situation when you carry your hatred for somebody in your heart. The stench of hatred will contaminate your heart and you will carry it with you where ever you go. If you cannot tolerate the smell of rotten potatoes for just 1 week, can you imagine what is it like to have the stench of hatred in your heart for your lifetime???"
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Throw away any hatred for anyone from your heart so that you will not carry sins for a lifetime. Forgiving others is the best attitude to take! Love others even if you don't like them.
*TRUE LOVE IS NOT LOVING A PERFECT PERSON BUT LOVING AN IMPERFECT PERSON PERFECTLY*
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``1/05/2006 10:01:00 PM``
a day of guitar
today dun need to go to sch cos no paper.. hee hee.. then in the morning.. thought of being good... so woke up early then went down to my grandma's place to accompany my grandparents to the market to have breakfast.. hahaa.. see i so guai =)
then around 1plus... then i went to kun's place... for guitar lesson... upon reaching his place... it started to rain cats and dogs(not really la..haha) anyway, there wasnt any shelter and kun is not home yet so i was under the rain... not really drenched... but yet my hair are dripping water.. as though i juz had a bath.. haha.. so i decided to pray for the rain to stop... cos i dun wan to be dripping wet... and after a while... the rain stopped... yeah! at least.. the wind can blow me dry... hee hee.. then when kun came back.. went to his place to learn guitar... hmm... wat i have learned today?
some new different type of playing the guitar.. and using different chords to produce different music... sound cool? anyway, after tat... we went to his room.. cos he wanted to show me how the chords are been played on the electric guitar.. then then i learned how to play the songs using only 4 chords.. haha.. then we started to make music using the guitar.. while i play G Em C D... kun will play a piece of music... and the whole thing sound quite nice... then we switch to i continue to play the guitar... but this time... kun played the keyboard.. haha... then after tat... i headed home le.. no activity so headed home for dinner... =)
joke of the day is here again =) [is it okie to post this joke? *thinking*]
Jesus vs. Satan
Jesus and Satan have a discussion as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest, with God as the judge. They set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight.
Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces the contest is over. He asks Satan to show what he has come up with. Satan is visibly upset, and cries, "I have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out."
Very well, then, says God, "let us see if Jesus fared any better." Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers. Satan is astonished. He stutters, "B-b-but how?! I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact?
How did he do it?" God chuckles, "Everybody knows...Jesus saves."
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``1/05/2006 08:01:00 PM``
``Wednesday, January 04, 2006``
uid paper
today's paper... honestly... didnt really study la.. but read through my lecture notes and my textbook only.. haha.. cos only 25 MCQ but then it worth 4marks each.. i only knew it when i took the paper... so high... haix.. nvm la.. then i finish my paper at 8.45am when my paper starts 8.30.. then i took 15 mins to circle my answers in my answer sheet... plus checking.. i finish the whole paper at 9am.. in the end.. i decided to sleep... cos very tired.. then finish my paper liao.. and we ended our paper at 9.30am.. power rite? then went to mac with my classmates to go and eat breakfast.. we were crapping ourselves but enjoyable.. hee hee.. actually, wanted to go swimming to clear my stupid head la.. dunno wat i am thinking... always "hu si luan xiang".. gt so much rubbish inside.. but then it started to rain.. haix... so cant go swimming.. end up... coming home once again to face my computer.. haha
joke of the afternoon
Speeding
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two in the front seat and three in the back - eyes wide and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit?" she asked. No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly... Twenty-Two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly. The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car ok? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time." the officer asks.
"Oh, they'll be alright in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``1/04/2006 12:33:00 PM``
``Tuesday, January 03, 2006``
jokes of the day - enjoy
hmm.. i was feeling really bad so decided to surf the net : share some jokes with you
Passing the exam
Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for five years.The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board looking over an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump. "Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.
To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"
[ haha... i think i will be the one of them who jump if i am in IMH also..]
The English Language
Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language?
Let's face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant.
No ham in the hamburger.
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England.
French fries were not invented in France.
We sometimes take English for granted.
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that.
Quicksand takes you down slowly.
Boxing rings are square,
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth.
If the teacher taught,Why didn't the preacher praught.
If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and Drive on parkways
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy.
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!
English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)
That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this observation,
It ends.
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``1/03/2006 11:11:00 PM``
tired of everything
i was lying on my bed.. i thought of alot of things... the things tat i have done.. the things tat i have promised... the things tat i have not done... the things tat i need to complete... the things tat i have planned to do but didnt complete... there is so much things for me... i really need time management... i cant take it anymore... i am really going crazy soon...
my life is in a mess... now, i dun even know which one should i do first... think i really need to go swimming or i will explode soon... and people around me will get hurt... which i dont wish to see... maybe tml after exam... i should go for a swim... go under water, clear all my thoughts... shut myself away from the world... so tat i can wash my brain? hopefully... i will feel better after tat...
everything and anything is killing me...
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``1/03/2006 10:27:00 PM``
today's paper is a gone case
this morning.. woke up le.. then rush to sch for my paper... but i am really not prepared for this paper.. cos i didnt really study at all... haix.. it is all my own fault and i cant blame anyone...looking at the question.. they seems so familiar but yet, i dont have any answer in my head.. end up... i was juz throwing answers in the answer boxes... wat am i thinking about? i really need to get into my study mode... i left with only 5 weeks before my exams is here once again. then after my paper... went to have lunch with my classmates... miss them so much... although 2 weeks only.. haha.. we are a bunch of crazy people... like each other too much le.. hahaa.. then went home le... cos on the way home, i wasnt feeling good... i know there is something wrong with me.. maybe the lunch i took.. cos i took oyster... i felt like throwing up... but i managed to reached home in time to rest... then on the air-con and listen to music... then when i felt better... i dun feel like studying for tml's test... so decided to keep my promise... by helping my friend to make another blog skin for her lor...
today, my dad went india again... to me, it doesnt make me feel anything le.. cos he has been flying so often until i dunno when he is coming back or going away again.. then my mum bought sushi for our dinner... although i know tat i shouldnt have took the raw fish but then i didnt really bother about it... haha.. haix... but i didnt eat much of the dinner... cos i dont feel like eating.. haix... okie le la.. going to do my things le...
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``1/03/2006 08:01:00 PM``
``Monday, January 02, 2006``
"supposed" to study at home
today.. actually really wanted to stay at home to study de.. plus i gt a mission to do today.. but then my cousins asked me out to K box.. then i cant say NO cos i always been going out with my friends.. so went with them lor.. but always on stand-by to complete my mission.. hahaa.. but then in the end i didnt complete the mission cos she dun wan.. haha.. who is the "she"? dun need to let you know de.. it is for the she, the he and me to know.. haha... then after we finished singing K box.. my god-ma came to find us.. then went to marche for dinner.. hee hee... cool.. then after tat... the cousins(WE) went to take neoprints.. then we set off to go back to our lala land... cos most of us have to go to sch tml..
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``1/02/2006 10:45:00 PM``
``Sunday, January 01, 2006``
my first day of 2oo6
moment 1 : this morning.. at around 1plus.. called jasmine to arrange the time to meet.. then i was supposed to call them at 6am and we meet at 6.45am... but my alarm clock didnt ring.. and I WOKE UP LATE.. oH NO!! my mum called me at 8.30am.. then i checked my hp to found 16 missed calls.. wa.. haha.. then i rushed to go and get myself ready.. then yu hong called up.. saying lijuan is still at home.. and knowing the situation.. so called lijuan to meet her since i taking a cab down to expo le.. (my dad pay =) )
moment 2 : today... a new year... and we should not look back to the past but to move forward... during the service... lijuan wasnt feeling very good.. so yu hong and i are watching her la.. then during the service.. actually.. she wanted to go home on her own.. but we dont allow.. so in the end.. she waited until after the sermon then i send her home in a cab...yu hong and i also send SOS... so everyone was also praying her to recover... =) then went back to tampines mall to find the rest for fellowship... hmm.. cos today.. most of them have something on... then after eating.. all decided to go home.. then desmond and kun took MRT home.. while seng chong, jasmine, yu hong and me.. decided to take bus home... although it may be a long journey but can talk on the bus.. haha.. so from tampines, we took to woodlands then from woodlands to jurong.. then after tat... seng chong and jasmine alighted to go market.. then yu hong and i already half-dead.. on our way home to sleep...
moment 3 : my phone rang.. lijuan called.. she sounded abit weak.. then we started talking... then yu hong actually wanted to alight at lake side.. then in the end.. take bus until jurong point.. actually we are very tired le.. but then dunno y.. after she called.. we are no longer tired.. then we were asking her to eat her dinner and go n see a doctor.. but she dun wan.. so in the end.. we asked her to go back to sleep... then we went to buy fish porridge for her.. then went down to her place...then called her to come down.. then accompanied her took a cab down see a doctor.. then after tat.. make sure she eat some food le.. then we took a cab again to send her back to her home... we reminded her to take her medicine and in the end.. she called us nagger.. haha.. but it's okie.. then the both of us took MRT back home... *need to study now!*
-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``1/01/2006 10:05:00 PM``
