][..Memories that lives in the heart..][

``Monday, October 31, 2005``

i am LosT

i Am fEeLiNg LoSt... SuDdEnLy

arrgg.. i dunno why.. i juz felt lost suddenly... everything in my life seems to be things tat i dun wish to see... the feelings i get are making me bad... 1st day of school... almost going crazy le.. but the things tat we are going to learn... and a sudden lost of classmate... nothing is going right.. it is juz my thinking or it is true? i dunno... i juz feel very stressed up all the little things... dunno la.. dun wan to say le.. juz wan to keep them to myself can le..

-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``10/31/2005 05:43:00 PM``

``Friday, October 28, 2005``

svc 1 ( 25/10/2005)

sVc 1 was GrEat!

i went to work today.. then after tat in the evening.. meet lijuan to go for service 1.. it was a great service with a news tat really touched my heart and at that point of time... i really feel like crying out and then manage to hold back my tears.. even lijuan also felt like crying.. i also how to describe la.. unless you are there lor..

then came back.. took my mouse to lend jia wei.. then after tat.. was chatting with sue.. then while talking.. she reminded me of my sec sch life and my cadet's life which my tears juz flow down suddenly.. i dunno la.. but nw my mind is blank.. i juz wan to be alone for a while.. to THINK!

-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``10/28/2005 11:41:00 PM``

``Wednesday, October 26, 2005``

boring day

bOrEd..

hmm.. today.. enjoyable but i am feeling bored nw.. went to work this morning.. then after tat.. went to jss to do some npcc stuff... then went to meet matt for lunch... then we chit chat.. then after tat went to his house to take the book " the purpose of driven life" then went back to jss to look for mr low.. to chit chat.. then saw ting.. so chat with her abit.. she studying for o levels ma..
boring day rite? except for in the afternoon..

Ting, jia you for your 'O' levels.. you can do it de..

-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``10/26/2005 10:53:00 PM``

``Tuesday, October 25, 2005``

funny stuffs

revelation? thoughts? or wat?

hmm... nw already 12.35am in the morning and i haven read the God's words... arrgg.. need to go and read later... lucky i have practice my guitar this morning if nt i dun think i can sleep le.. cos juz nw... after calling soo eng to pray.. then i call lijuan.. then we talk on the phone again.. haha... she wanted to lend me some books to read.. then talking about stuffs also..

oh ya... ytd(Sunday).. before we went to queue up for service then we went to the toilet cos shi en helping lijuan to tie her hair ma.. then i said i wan to go and cut my hair le.. cos abit messy.. haha.. then lijuan said cannot.. cos the gals in the whole cellgroup having long hair plus gerry going to keep her hair long too.. then shi en suddenly say.. " if you cut your hair then you will not be in our cellgroup.." haha.. ya la.. i nt cutting la.. juz trimming my hair only..

Although we are made righteous but we should not stop praying as we might end up not close with God. (told by LiJuan)

-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``10/25/2005 12:35:00 AM``

``Saturday, October 22, 2005``

overnight prayer meeting & Cellgroup Meeting

Overnight prayer meeting & Cellgroup Meeting

let's start from friday.. went for napfa society outing.. then after tat.. went swimming with lijuan.. then go n eat vegetarian near her place.. and it was quite nice... after tat, we rush to church cos gerry msg us tat the praying meeting has change to 11pm instead of 11.30pm.. when we reach there... only gt gerry, jasmine, yuhong, sengchong(choir) plus lijuan and i.. then kunming in the 4th floor there.. then about 1 plus.. gerry left first cos she teaching tuition... then left with jasmine, lijuan, yuhong and me.. then we stayed all the way.. then after tat, lijuan went home first cos she gt bible studies in the late morning.. then the 3 of us went for breakfast.. then yuhong went home to do the prayer list then jasmine went to my place to sleep until yuhong reached my place then we started to make the strawberries coated with chocolates.. then after lijuan finish her bible studies.. she also came to my place with gerry.. then we were chatting.. then gerry wanted to how is my guitar progressing.. so went to my room... then play for her.. lucky.. i wasnt tat stress, if nt confirm wrong notes de.. then after tat, we packed up, went to sengchong's place for cg..

cg message is we muz pray everyday and prayers are very important.. you are spending time to fellowship with God.. so i muz change and nt to be lazy to pray.. i need to be more discipline.. after cg, we went for fellowship at best coffeeshop again lor.. haha

-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``10/22/2005 11:53:00 PM``

``Friday, October 21, 2005``

a cg gathering?

CeNtraL aGaiN - 2nd tIme iN a WeEk

hmm.. ytd.. went to work in the morning at VE group... then about 4 plus.. then i left le.. cos meeting yu hong to go and something that to the both of us, we called it "Live By Faith" haha.. then after tat.. yuhong accompanied me to go and buy guitar strings.. cos i feel like changing my own set of strings.. then it is only 5 plus.. so we dunno wat to do.. plus.. dun wan to go home so early so called gerry, lijuan, shaun, hong ming and kunming.. but then kunming nt free ma... so didnt join us.. then shaun haven finish his work yet... so only gerry, lijuan, hongming, yuhong and i went for dinner together.. then we went to drink teh-ta-rai.. after then.. went back to bugis to juz see the shops... then at one of the shops, we saw shi en.. haha.. saw so many cellgroup member in a day.. then about 9 plus... decided to go home le.. then gerry went off the other way cos she is taking bus, shaun called up... he juz finished his work and coming over.. so we went to mac to wait for him.. then sit down.. eating ice-cream and chit chatting lor.. we only stay there for a short while.. cos need to go home and sleep early... cos next few days are my happening days.. hee hee =)

-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``10/21/2005 08:57:00 AM``

``Thursday, October 20, 2005``

out for a movie

i am tIreD...

this morning.. meet zi wei.. then went to Ang Mo Kio Hospital to work... as helpers cos they renovating the place so we are helping to move the things out of the old place la.. something like tat la.. until i very tired.. then went to PS to meet lijuan and yuhong to watch the movie "The Skeleton Key" then it is like a bit of stupid la.. haha.. sorry to those who like the show... after the show.. while we were juz shopping around PS.. we saw Kun.. with his friend... then lijuan, yuhong and i thought of something.. wat is it? dun tell you.. haha.. it is meant to be a secret... then we went to one of the lan-gaming shop to find marcus and jia wei... cos they are playing lan there.. around 10.30 then lijuan and i left first cos the both of us have to work tml.. poor thing hor..

-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``10/20/2005 11:33:00 AM``

``Saturday, October 15, 2005``

trying hard

Trying Hard

today.. actu.. no bible studies de.. but i didnt know so i went for it.. then in the end.. brother Nick gave me personal bible studies... then after tat went to meet lijuan and yuhong in mac.... after tat.. lijuan wanted to buy present so went to World of Sports.. before you went to sengchong's place..

had cellgroup meeting... but i dunno how to type out wat i feel la.. cos unless you are there to feel it... even if i type out.. you will nt know wat is the atmosphere like.. haha.. and a bit lazy to type also la.. =p

then went for ah ma's birthday dinner... the food was great but then i am kind of scared le.. cos i think almost every week... i taking seafood until when i see the food.. i dun feel like eating... everytime.. will be crab, prawn, fish... etc.. then my parents wanted to go to the bank first.. so left me and my sis in the car... suddenly decided to ask her the question once again.. although i asked her many times le.. and knew wat was her answer.. but i still ask her... if she will follow me to church one day.. haha... but her answer is still no... but i will continue to ask her.. and i really prayed that one day.. she will say yes.. hee hee..

nw.. i going to watch my show le.. dun miss me... whahahahhaa...

-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``10/15/2005 11:04:00 PM``

``Thursday, October 13, 2005``

Dun judge the book by its cover

ThIngS I rEaLisEd

hmm.. you know wat.. i used to think tat Kristen is very fierce.. and talking to her is kind of scary at times especially when i dun really know her during Napfa Society.. then during the Poly Forum.. saw her la. then disturb her.. haha.. then we started to talk lor.. then told her some of the jokes.. *haha* then while waiting for Malaysia Youth to come on the 2nd day.. we were playing... she la.. trying to tickle me so i do it back to her lor.. haha... then i realise she is afraid to be tickle.. haha.. ops.. then we also talk about something else... shh.. cannot tell you... cos it is our secret for Poly Forum 2005.. :p

next... during napfa society.. especially during napfa tests.. i can never see them ( Uncle Gerald, Uncle Thomas, Uncle Jalal, Uncle Gopi- especially) smiling... but then i realised tat they can also be very crazy de.. these few days... i really had lot of fun with them... with all the jokes and see them coming up with funny stuff and actions..

moral of story : dUn JuGgE BoOk bY iTs CoVeR

-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``10/13/2005 11:38:00 PM``

poly forum

SoMe GrEat HapPeNiNg iN mY sTay iN SofiteL fOr PoLy FoRuM 2005

day o: get to know new people from NRA cos they are also there to help out in the poly forum. then at nite. Gopi & ThOmAs asked us to go down for a driNk. so we went down. after i think going to be 12am... then Mr Thomas wanted to go back to home so he cant drink anymore.. then Mr Gopi asked us to bottom up our drink then go back.. the moment Sharlene(1 of the NRA) put down her glass.. she started to laugh... haha.. then went she get back to the room... she started many funny things.. but i cant tell you all.. so can only tell you 1 part was... she used the shampoo's cover and other things to make a picture of a man and told her room mate tat she has made a new friend.. *Hahahahaha* - end of story cannot embrassed her la..

day 1: they arrived... we became busy.. saw Kristen.. then i was kind of shocked.. then most of the time if i see her i will disturb her.. haha.. tat day.. i was on my night duty ( 6pm - 11.30pm).. with Mr Gerald, and SP lecturers (Michelle & Joey)... then Mr David was also inside... we started talking.. and had fun playing.. then when any students who comes in have to sing a song.. haha.. we very bad rite? wat to do? after duty ended.. went back to the room... it was in darkness.. so i switched on the lights and went to bath... anyway.. tat nite, i slept alone in the room... - end of day 1's boring happening...

day 2: i dont have any duty plan for tat day cos i slept until 7.15am then went to bath and everything then went down to see wat i can help.. actually... not much to do la.. juz did some easy stuffs lor.. then Yvonne, Samantha & i started playing BINGO. then around evening time.. Mr Thomas brought us to a seafood restuarant..
This is wat we ordered:

Chilli Crab
Bun (deep fried type)
Eng Cai
Fish
Butter Prawns
Bamboo Clams
Noodles
Roasted Chicken
- cant ReMeMbEr -
Rice ( shared between Sharlene & me)

(fun part) during our dinner... we were eating crabs as our last dish.. and Yvonne was eating pinster.. then she wanted the nut-cracker but then instead she asked me to pass her the pinster.. then we started laughing.. haha..

then after tat we went back to the hotel... then as we are about to park our cars, we realised tat there was a guy sitting in a wheel-chair.. we went to check out the situation.. then we realised tat one of the TP guys took a kind of food then he started to feed his body getting numb.. anyway, the lecturers took him to NUH... but i think he is okie le la..

today( day 3): nth happened the whole day.. played BINGO..

-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``10/13/2005 10:07:00 PM``

``Monday, October 10, 2005``

haiz. did i hurt anyone?

JuZ feLt SorRy SudDeNLy

lying on my bed right nw... before i set off to my school trip... i thought of many things.. and i suddenly ask myself this question.. "have i ever hurt someone close to me with the words i said?" if i really have.. then i am sorry... didnt really mean to...

maybe i tend to be too straight forward ba.. haiz... didnt think of other's feelings.. did i or did i nt? i also dunno... only people around me know... anyway.. i juz felt tat i need to change... maybe been back to my own self of keeping quieter will help? i dunno la... haiz.. dunno why... i juz dun have the mood for anything nw.. or maybe i dun feel like going for my sch trip at all..
no matter wat.. i cant turn back le... i surrendered my passport liao... hao ba.. bye bye..

-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``10/10/2005 01:15:00 PM``

``Sunday, October 09, 2005``

day before i leave for malaysia

A day befOre I leAvE fOr mY tRip

this morning.. meet kun as usual for guitar.. gt scolded by him today.. okie.. it is actually my fault.. didnt really put in the effort to practice my guitar.. but i cannot give up.. i need to carry on.. cant give up half-way.. then went for svc.. the service was great.. hee hee.. the pastor was really funny with his "flying pans".. haha.. then after that we went to the coffeeshop for fellowship..

then.. yuhong, lijuan, sengchong and i went to orchard to spend our time there cos dunno wat to do.. about 7 plus... shaun came to join us.. so accompany shaun to eat his dinner.. then we started to talk about the moving to expo... and talking about bible studies.. haha... then after tat.. we decided to leave the place so went to fareast... lijuan bought the bag tat she wanted to buy.. after tat.. we shop around fareast.. then we carry on walking and doing some window shopping.. around 9 plus.. then we decided to go home.. cos i also need to come back to pack my bag.. hmm.. but then i very sianz leh.. haiz.. wat to do?

-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``10/09/2005 11:42:00 PM``

``Friday, October 07, 2005``

the week

life for the week

the whole week.. have been really spending alot of time practicing my guitar cos i will nt be able to practice next week as i will be going for the Poly Forum as a First Aider.. haha.. seemO? everytime as i play my guitar, i felt great..

then spent some time with my primary sch friends... we are great and will always be.. created many happy memories in each other's life and we will never forget those happy days tat we used to spent together.. playing.. get into trouble.. ops! haha.. and nt forgetting the teachers who have taught us.. BBPS juz RoX!

hmm.. every nite.. we have to call our prayer buddy for prayers.. then this week.. was sooeng and lijuan.. haha.. lijuan and i have been calling each other cos of the show - Stairways to Heaven.. then after prayers.. normally we will have fellowship.. and it seems like as the day passes, we end our call later and later.. haha.. ytd.. we talk on the phone until 1 plus.. haha..

today events...spent the whole morning playing my guitar... went back to ngeeann this afternoon to submit my passport.. then went home to pack my bag for the trip.. haha.. quite a last min la.. then after tat... went to meet lijuan for dinner then we went for service.. after tat? of course come home la.. haha.. lame..
end of today's events...

-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``10/07/2005 11:24:00 PM``

Service 1 - Pastor Robert EKH

Pastor Robert EKH Service 1

message: 1) The Family is God's Original Plan

2) Family - Foundation for Church and the Society

1) The Family is God's Original Plan
- children are blessings and gifts from God to the family.
- God is about relationship.
- God is about family.
- God is the creator of life.

2) Family - Foundation for Church and the Society
- Both Society and Church are made up of individual people.

Family

- Every child who is born to the world has a need of attraction and a place of belonging.
- All of us are important to one another and important to God.
- As children in the family, we have to obey our parents.
- To live by faith, we need to live by obedient.
- Obedient of Faith
- Since young, as we grow in our family, we started to train:
- take responsible for our own actions, social training, education,
the right way, education, be generous, considerate, believing in faith.

Church

- When we have done something wrong, we have to turn back to him and repent to him.
- Strong, happy families will build a strong, happy church and vice versa
- The Church is the pillar of truth in the world.

-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``10/07/2005 10:39:00 PM``

``Wednesday, October 05, 2005``

heavy heart

heavy heart about friends

after i left.. took the MRT.. then as the MRT moves... i was staring at the road outside but i was thinking of somethings when all my unhappy memories came up to me suddenly.. and i ask myself this question: " what does friends forever mean? is this a word or there will be such thing in this world?" i thought about many things about my past... things may have change already and it will no longer be the same anymore.. wat is friendship all about?

this is wat i have found:
1) the state of being friends
2) The quality or condition of being friends

i juz dunno why will feel this way.. then i was thinking about many things while listening to my ipod on the way home.. maybe i look upon friendship too heavily.. or some people are juz passer-by of your life... they may nt be there when you are in need of them..

-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``10/05/2005 11:57:00 PM``

BBPS rOx!

BBPS gAtHeRiNg of 1994 - 1999

juz went went to suntec pizza hut to eat as a gathering so tat we can sit down to eat and chit chat la.. then we were talking about our past about how mischievous we used to be when we are in primary sch.. then we talk about wat are the things tat missed in sch and the food tat we missed.. haha.. then recalled some of the funny moments when we gt into fights with friends and things tat happened in class.. hmm.. actu.. quite enjoyable la.. plus it is our 12th year of friendship le.. very long rite? hee hee

(in primary 2) (in primary 6)

and now...

(clockwise: Wong Har, Alvin,Eddie,Wenliang, Aaron, me, Bi Fen, Zee Ern)
hmm.. took this at the MRT station.. haha.. cos i need to go off le.. while the rest headed for the pub.. wow! who cares?! we are all 18 le..

-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``10/05/2005 11:33:00 PM``

``Monday, October 03, 2005``

raining outside

as i was talking to matt in msn... i juz dunno why.. i have many knots tat i thought was untied appearing in my heart once again.. and i feel weird.. i also dunno how to describe the feeling but then i think only a few people will know wat the feeling like.. cos we are chatting then suddenly.. talking about our past... haiz.. then at the point of time.. the 2 of us was a bit quiet.. then we changed topic le.. can we really forget our past?
juz nw went to watch the movie GOAL! .. it was nice & funny.. haha.. gt 2 free preview tickets so went with my dad to watch lor... anyway.. today, i bought a new slippers.. hee hee.. yeah! then.. i think i spend most of my time today with my guitar... jia you, jia you, jia you!!

I knOw i CaN & I WiLL

-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``10/03/2005 11:41:00 PM``

``Sunday, October 02, 2005``

I know i can & i will

i MUZ try to fulfill

hmm... this week.. kind of have many things happening.. ytd.. pastor wanted us to memorise some verses.. but i know i can and i will be able to memorise them... hee hee.. then this morning.. as usual, kun taught me guitar.. but i really need to improve more.... on my fingering on chords and everything... then went for svc 6 by Rev Tan.. w0W! today's svc was really great... cant really describe the feelings in words... then after svc.. went to coffeeshop was fellowship.. then after eating.. all left except gerry, jas & me.. waited for guan lun to come... meanwhile... jas wanted me to teach her some chords so took my guitar out.. then end up, gerry asking me to play.. arrgg.. stress.. but then cant play well.. cos:
1) i gt no confidence
2) i dont think i am good at it yet
so my playing wasnt good..but gerry said she is going to give me 2 weeks.. to practice more then maybe play during cg.. stress + stress = more stress.. haha
then after a while.. gerry gt to leave for her meeting... then jas came to my house to practice guitar & use internet.. haha.. then i played the praise & worship songs in my com.. then we are enjoying it..

okie la.. need to go & take my dinner le.. then going to practice my guitar liao..

-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``10/02/2005 07:44:00 PM``

``Saturday, October 01, 2005``

my thoughts

ThoUghts

went for bible studies.. lesson 8 and it was about LOrd's Prayer.. and pastor was talking about praying for like an hour everyday.. and the first question tat came up to me was... how can it be possible? but i told myself.. if others can do it... why cant i? then went for cg... it was talking about attitude.. and i felt tat... everything tat we do in life will show our attitudes... if we wan to change the ways we look at things and do things.. first we have to change our attitude...
then went to celebrate my dad's birthday... had XO crab bee hoon.. then went hm.. had a bath then went to do my quiet time..

i prayed for more than 1 hour.. i thought it was hard as there is nothing to pray... but as i pray.. the most i feel like praying and as i prayed... He told me we should forgive those who have hurt us before... because if we wan Him to forgive us for wat we have done wrongly.. we have to forgive others first... forget those sad things tat happen to us.. so tat we will nt remb tat we are hurt by people... n forgive them for wat they have done...

if i wan to change... i have to change my attitude first.. because "MY ATTITUDE DETERMINES MY ALTITUDE"

-Finding back my cheerfulness-
][-Van-][ ``10/01/2005 11:44:00 PM``